BEFORE YOU SAY I DO
We all have nasty habits. Some have an odour, a belch , an attitude, a habit that may not be pleasant. What can you tolerate? How much can you tolerate? You should be able to stay with him/her in the toilet and not feel that that smell is offensive. You should be able to kiss him or her and not feel any repulsion(a physical activity like kissing before marry can lead to premarital sex; I use the last line only to buttress a point).
Young woman, you grew up in poverty, struggled to pay your fees, and got a job, now a scraggy looking, ‘my-future-is-bright’ fellow says he wants to marry you. If that is okay for you, go for it. If you see his potential and believe you can both make it together, no problem.
But if it doesn’t feel right, if you think you should have a break, if you think that your prince in charming and shining armour should be rich, go for it girl. Especially if he is around the corner. You deserve the best. Go for what you want, what you deserve. Having said this ,remember that it is true that there is no guarantee that that young , poor man will become richer in the next 5 years. But there is also no guarantee that that old, rich man will remain rich in the next 5 years. Life is about twists and turns. Your choice should be based on personal conviction and tolerance. God tests every relationship at the point of its motive.
James Odili started relating with Julliet Bassey, and at some point decided that he could marry her. But he didn’t have money. While Julliet Bassey loved him, she kept seeing one banker who worked in a certain bank.
Eventually, she broke his heart and married that banker. James Odili was devastated. He was devastated that his heart throb of so many years could do that to him. And he did go to beg her. His pleas fell on deaf ears.
A few months after she left, he got into Shell Training School and eventually got a job with them. Then Julliet’s banker husband lost her job and she was now the one devastated. By this time, James had gotten married to someone else. The other day James Odili himself told me that they met.He met Julliet after a few years.
“I wish I had married you”, she told him. “I thought I would be happy , but I am not. May be I married him for financial security reasons. But now that it is not there, I don’t know whether I love him or not.”
Shame. Remember: God tests every relationship at the point of its motive.
There will be many things you will have to tolerate. If you can’t tolerate, don’t commit martially. Why? You will be tested along those lines. Young man, here is some wisdom for you : Marry when you are still striving. ANY LADY who says yes to your proposal then and goes ahead to marry you, loves you. If you propose to ANY LADY when you have a Pajero jeep, live in a well furnished house, work in a N4OO,OOO a month salary outfit, SHE WILL SAY ‘YES’…and usually she isn’t the one. Be smart…it is difficult to see a virtuous woman when you are made
Can you tolerate his/her nasty, petty habits? Do you think you can suffer long with this person in sickness or in health?
There is this saying that marriage is for enjoyment, not endurance. I disagree. I think marriage is about both: enjoyment and endurance. Marriage is not a fairy tale story. It never ends with ‘and they lived happily after’.
Life ends its story with ‘and they lived happily to the degree to which they made their marriage work’
Marriage is hard work. Are you ready?