ADSactly Fun - Solar Warrior

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I popped into the sandwich shop near my work to get something to eat for my lunch. There was a bit of a queue and I dutifully joined it and waited to be served. As I stood there waiting my eye was drawn to the fellow in front of me.

He was decked out head to toe in yellow and black lycra. He had the oddest lumpy soled shoes on and the tightest most shame-inducing lycra shorts it was possible for a man to wear without becoming a woman.

The fact that he looked like a deranged bee wasn't what caught my attention, however. Oh no. Not in the least. What actually caught my eye was the fact that he was covered in solar panels.

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I had never seen the like before. He had panels on his arms, legs, back and shoulders. As I peered closely at him I noticed he even had smaller ones attached to his helmet.

What the heck are you meant to be?

I couldn't help but whisper in a strange kind of awe tinged with disbelief. I mean, didn't the guy realise this was Glasgow? Here in Glasgow, we are an unforgiving bunch. Although over the years people have mellowed slightly it is still quite a daring thing to dress like a cut-rate superhero in broad daylight.

If it was night time, then of course, it would be perfectly acceptable. After all, that's what night time is for...

I wondered then, if he was a superhero, who or what would he be?

It was then that it came to me.

Surely he would be...

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SOLAR WARRIOR! Conserver of energy and charger of phones? Yes that would be it. I smiled and let out a little chuckle.

My chuckle quickly choked off as he began to turn.

Oh my flippety banjango.

I thought desperately. Did I say any of that out loud? Is the guy actually a superhero and his amazing psychic powers have heard my thoughts?

I stepped back slightly from the popinjay in lycra as he kept turning.

Finally, he faced me, his bike helmet resembling a bag of hastily painted sausages that had landed haphazardly on his head.

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Oh my god, please don't kill me with your lycra death punch.

I almost sobbed out loud.

Fortunately, I managed to keep my errant tongue from spouting such nonsense out of my mouth.

The Solar Warrior paused and looked me square in the eye.

It's quite some queue this isn't it.

Take my first born!!

I almost yelled in a vain attempt to save my own pitiful sandwich-loving life.

Instead, I squeaked. As if something was caught in my throat.

He looked puzzled.

What was that mate?

I cleared my throat. Perhaps he wasn't a superhero and he wasn't looking to revenge himself upon me via the medium of his fist.

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Oh, the queue, yes, it is a little long.

I remarked calmly, safe now in the knowledge that my life was no longer forfeit.

Moments later the woman called out and took our orders. We waited for a few minutes. My sandwich was ready first and I collected it and started to head out of the shop. As I drew level with the Solar Warrior he nodded companionably.

I nodded back.

Hey, what are all the solar panels for anyway?

I asked.

Oh.

He self consciously fingered a small bullet shaped thing attached to his lapel.

For my MP3 player!

He said, waggling the little thing on his lapel proudly.

I laughed.

MP3 player? Excellent. I hope you get plenty of sunshine... IN THE EIGHTIES!

I sauntered out of the shop into the grey murk that passes for Spring in Scotland only pausing once to look over my shoulder to make sure he wasn't following me with murder in his heart.

It was a fine day for mocking pretend superheroes.

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What about you? Have you ever been baffled by someones clothing to the point where you do not actually know if they are being serious or are in fancy dress?

Are they to be congratulated... or feared?

Tell us your best tales in the comments. I will be there to listen!

Authored :@slimshadi