The Farmers Daughter
This is a story about 2 captivated young men who both wanted the heart of the beautifully young farmers daughter, unfortunately the farmer himself was a very crazy and angry protective man who'd been known to shoot first ask questions later so these men had to be very careful not to be seen whenever they wanted to charm this beautiful woman.
One afternoon when they made their way onto the farm, they looked around for any signs of the grumpy old farmer and proceeded to find his daughter, as they approached her she was sitting outside on the porch and she was crying, they asked what was wrong and she said "he's going to kill both of you!" immediately they heard the sound of a rifle loading, they turned around and there he was pointing the rifle at them, shocked and frightened they professed their love for his daughter, they said they were willing to do anything for her, they were even willing to die for her.
The farmer looked at these 2 strapping lads and had an idea, he said...
"OK, I'm going to give you both a chance at the hand of my daughter, but it's not going to be easy, I want you both to go out into my farm and go look for the finest fruit you can find, I want the absolute sweetest most perfect fruit on this farm, the one who comes back with the best looking and tasting fruit on this farm will have my blessing to date my daughter, BUT! the one who loses will be shot with this here rifle, if either of you are not up to this challenge I give you your chance to leave now."
Both men looked at each other waiting, hoping that the other would rather leave than participate, they both then looked at the farmers daughter, called up as much courage as they could muster and agreed to the challenge.
Both men set out to find a fruit good enough to win this challenge, several hours went passed and one man returned, tired, dirty and completely run down, he walked up to the farmer and handed him a bunch of grapes, he said
"These were the finest grapes I could find on your farm, they look absolutely perfect and taste sweeter than anyone could ever imagine, I believe that these grapes are the best fruit available on your farm." The farmer looked at these grapes, held them up to the light, tasted one of them... and then said.
"OK, for the second part of your challenge I'm going to ask that you take every one of these grapes and one by one shove them deep into your ass, and I must warn you, I want you to do this without laughing, if you dare laugh I'll shoot you in the head!"
The gentlemen looked very confused, he really didn't want to shove grapes up his ass but he had come this far, he nearly had her, she would be his, all he needed to do was perform this next task and then it would all be over. He started with the grapes one by one, sweating and uncomfortable for nearly an hour, he was finally down to the last three grapes, thats it, he was there, 2 more... thats it.. 1 more! and suddenly he burst out laughing!! He was shot in the head and died.
As his spirit reached heavens gates he came accross an angel who looked very puzzled at him, the angel said to this man. "I'd been watching you compete for the farmers daughter, you were so damn close, what happened? WHY DID YOU LAUGH???
The man looked at the angel and said to him with a slight grin on his face. "I saw the other guy through the window walking back with a watermelon!"
