LIVING IN THE SHADOW OF LONELINESS

I. Living in the Shadow of Loneliness (Genesis 2:18): God made us for fellowship, both with Himself and with other people. We can count on Him to meet our need for a deep, personal relationship.

I.1. Loneliness is an epidemic in our culture: This isn’t just something that only affects those who live in isolation; it presents in people who live in families, work with others, and have friends. Some lonely people have everything money can buy, but all their luxuries can’t provide what’s missing. Many times, those who suffer from loneliness don’t even know why they feel this way. From the outside, their lives look fine, but inside they are enclosed in a shadow of loneliness. In the very beginning God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18). Since we were created to live in relationships, it’s clearly not God’s plan that we suffer from loneliness.

I.2. The Difference Between Loneliness and Solitude

Loneliness is an unhappiness brought on by the feeling of being disconnected or out of touch. It’s a loss of intimacy or the sense of belonging.
Solitude is a time of pulling away from everything to be alone, to talk to the Father, listen to God, and to be rejuvenated in mind and heart. Jesus often withdrew from the crowds to be alone with His heavenly Father.
I.3. The Shadow of Loneliness: A shadow replaces the light of the sun for a period of time, but it is usually momentary. However, when a shadow of loneliness lingers for a long time, it becomes the atmosphere in which some people live. It’s like being

in a dense fog that leaves them feeling disconnected from others. This is accompanied by a sense of isolation, unimportant, emptiness, purposelessness, incompleteness, or inadequacy. People who are generally happy are content with their relationships and feel a sense of belonging and satisfaction, but those who live in the shadow of loneliness are unable to find satisfying relationships on a human level and end up feeling abandoned. Although loneliness may seem like an inescapable condition, it’s possible to get through it and even conquer it when one is willing to be honest with himself or herself and God.

I.4. The Effects of Loneliness: Loneliness is an emotion that affects many other areas of life.

Physical Health. Feelings of isolation may affect a person’s diet, sleep, and activities—all of which could result in health problems.
Finances. Attempting to relieve loneliness with shopping, strolling through malls, and building up credit card debt won’t bring satisfaction and may even increase feelings of separation.
Relationships. Loneliness may drive people to seek out unhealthy or inappropriate relationships in order to feel valuable, needed, and loved.
Morals. Seeking intimacy through sinful sexual relationships may seem like a way to relieve loneliness, but it will never satisfy the yearnings of the heart. Jesus Christ is the only one who can fill that emptiness.
Dress. Sometimes lonely people think that dressing attractively will gain them attention from others, but that is no substitute for sound, fulfilling relationships.
Social Life. Some folks may seek social connections thinking that being part of a group will solve their problem, but soon discover that they still feel alone. How People End Up in the Shadow of Loneliness
Separating Themselves. Some folks choose isolation and don’t want to be bothered by others.
Feeling Deserted. This is especially true when a marriage breaks up, and at least one person feels abandoned and deeply hurt by the separation.
Being Forcefully Removed from a Safe and Secure Environment. Losing a home is traumatic, especially for children who need to feel secure in the love of their parents.
Suffering a Defeat. Failure may cause people to withdraw because they think they don’t measure up.
Chasing Success. When people spend their lives building a career instead of relationships, they often realize too late that money and success can never replace satisfying relationships.
Burnout. Having invested all their time and energy in their work, some people discover that they have damaged their health and failed to develop what matters most— meaningful relationships.
Loss of a Loved One. Death brings pain, emptiness, and a terrible sense of loss that results in grief and loneliness.
Feeling Inferior and Insecure. This is often the result of childhood experiences with parents who scolded and belittled.
Being Different. Those who don’t conform to society’s expectations often feel ostracized because they don’t think or act like others. Being ignored is very demeaning and carries lifelong consequences both emotionally and spiritually. Yet God offers what the world has failed to give them. When they are His children, He seals them forever as His own with the Holy Spirit and gives them eternal security and love.
Conflict and Misunderstanding. Those who walk away instead of working through disagreements may find themselves in the shadow of loneliness. Learning to live in harmony with each other as God desires is a safeguard against isolation.
Rejection Caused by Standing Up for Convictions. We follow a long line of courageous people when we hold to biblical truths and suffer rejection as a consequence— Jesus, the apostles, and Christians throughout the ages.
Being Excluded from Social Groups. We all feel like misfits in some situations. In fact, as believers, we shouldn’t fit in everywhere because we are called to live a different lifestyle. Sometimes others see this distinction and want to know why we aren’t like everyone else. Others will outright reject us because they don’t know God.
Retirement. This life transition may cause people to feel that no one cares for them anymore and that they have no purpose. Yet God loves and works through His people no matter how old they become if they are willing to give themselves away in service to others.
Betrayal. When relationships are broken through betrayal, the pain may cause withdrawal.
Alienation. Sometimes we may be the cause of someone’s loneliness if we are prideful and don’t care about them. But in the process of rejecting them, we ourselves may become alienated.
Feeling Left Behind. Everyone needs to feel that someone loves, accepts, and cares for them. When this is missing, they feel ignored, shut out, and ostracized.
Age. As people age, they may become lonely and feel forgotten by everyone.
Destructive Habits. When people try to find a sense of contentment, peace, and joy through addictive activities like drunkenness, drug use, illicit sex, or gambling, they will discover that it only makes them feel more isolated.
RESPONSE in “Living in the Shadow of Loneliness”

If you feel like you are living in a shadow of loneliness, how do you think you got there? What part have you played in becoming isolated and lonely?
Has your loneliness become a wall behind which you hide? What do you need to do to tear down that wall and risk becoming the friend you want others to be to you?
II. We Are Facing Our Loneliness Today (Psalm 25:12–18) & (Psalm 102:1–7, 18): In Psalms 25:14, If you long to understand why certain things happen, spend time with the Lord in prayer. He promises to “show you great and mighty things, which you do not know” (Jeremiah 33:3). This means He will give you insight into His will for your life, teach you His principles, and give you spiritual discernment about how He is moving in your situation. In Psalms 102:18, As people with comparatively short life spans, the stars may seem brilliant and unending to us. But compared to our glorious, eternal God they are like threadbare clothes ready for the rag bin. And yet as majestic, everlasting, and magnificent as He is, the Lord sets His love on us. Truly, He is worthy of our praise!

II.1. Everyone has lonely moments in life: But when loneliness begins to define our lives, it causes serious problems. We compromise our principles to try to fill the emotional emptiness. We choose behavior that harms our health, relationships, and finances. The consequences can be devastating. King David recognized that the cure for loneliness lay in an intimate relationship with his Creator: “My eyes are continually toward the Lord, for He will pluck my feet out of the net. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses” (Psalm 25:15-17). God desires to fulfill every longing you have for meaningful connection. Are you willing to be set free from loneliness?

II.2. What is the definition of loneliness? Loneliness is a separation anxiety caused when we feel disconnected from God or other people. Loneliness can become a physical or relational problem, but it is primarily a spiritual problem. Believers can experience loneliness when they disobey God or go through difficult seasons of life. Those who have not yet trusted Jesus Christ as their personal Savior don’t have the ability to genuinely love and be loved in the way that their Creator intended for them. Until a lost person is willing to repent and get right with God, he or she will continue to have a problem with loneliness.

II.3. What is the difference between loneliness and solitude? Loneliness and solitude both can involve being alone. The fundamental difference is that solitude is a choice to be separated from others. Jesus Himself practiced solitude by rising early in the morning to devote time with the Father. All of us need time alone to relax, to enjoy a hobby, to reflect on our lives, and to spend time one-on-one with God. In contrast to solitude, which requires us to be isolated physically, loneliness is not defined by geography but by attitude. For instance, if the one you love is a thousand miles away, you can still experience a strong sense of connection and oneness with that person. On the other hand, you may be in a crowded room and feel a terrible sense of loneliness.

II.4. Where did loneliness begin? Loneliness first began in the garden of Eden. Before Adam and Eve sinned, they had perfect harmony with each other and with God. When they sinned against God, they immediately felt separated and alienated from their Creator. In their shame, they ran from Him and futilely attempted to hide from an omniscient God. Ever since then, sin has damaged our fellowship with God. When believers rebel against the Lord, we lose the sense of oneness we have with Him. Does God actually leave us? No, but we cannot enjoy an intimate relationship with Him until we repent and confess our wrongdoing.

II.5. When does the feeling of loneliness start? Many different circumstances can be fertile ground for loneliness. The death of a loved one often causes loneliness. Separation and divorce may look easy, but they involve tearing apart two people who have become one. Others become lonely because they’ve never been able to form meaningful relationships. Eventually they decide they won’t be hurt again, and they build a wall around their hearts. Some people are lonely because they believe they are condemned by God for past sins. Others suffer from a low self-esteem because they feel unworthy or unwanted by others. Finally, children who are left alone while their parents work can become deeply wounded by the acute loneliness they experience.

II.6. What types of roles contribute to loneliness? Some occupations have an intrinsic potential for loneliness. The president of a corporation works primarily alone and experiences a unique kind of loneliness as the head of the company. A newly retired person was once an integral part of the workplace, but now he or she no longer enjoys all the relationships that developed there. Pastors may feel that they can’t be close friends with people in their congregation because the laypeople expect a pastor to be a perfect role model and above common life struggles. Missionaries face similar issues and also leave friends and family behind when they travel overseas.

II.7. What are the consequences of loneliness in a person’s life? Loneliness affects people morally, relationally, financially, physically, and mentally. Someone may tolerate an unhealthy relationship or seek sex outside of marriage in a desperate attempt to escape loneliness. A person may expect a spouse to fulfill all his or her needs for happiness, placing undue pressure on a marriage. Women may dress immodestly or men may act improperly to try to attract the love they desperately seek. When people get down, they may go shopping, using a credit card to buy items they can’t afford. Some attempt to escape loneliness by eating, not to satisfy physical appetites, but to fill the void left by a lack of connection. Loneliness hinders a person relationally because he or she feels so unaccepted and separated from others. Left untreated, loneliness can lead to depression, and other physical problems. Mentally, an isolated person can be hindered by less creativity, productivity, and energy that someone who has strong friendships. Loneliness has the potential to completely destroy a person’s life.

II.8. What does loneliness drive a person to do? When people feel alone, they give in to temptations that they otherwise would resist. They abuse alcohol or drugs. They try to escape through watching television or using the computer. They have affairs to try to cure their loneliness, or think that if they find a new spouse, they will be happy. Loneliness can even drive some people to suicide.

II.9. What is the cure for loneliness? Since loneliness is primarily a spiritual problem, its cure begins when we are reconciled to God, our Creator, through Jesus Christ. The lost person needs to begin a relationship with God, and Christians need to renew their intimacy with Him. That doesn’t mean that mature believers never experience loneliness.

Loneliness is a painful emotion all of us experience at one point or another (Psalm 102:1–7, 18): However, if we don’t deal with our feelings of alienation and isolation, destructive attitudes eventually develop. We begin to feel unwanted, unworthy of other people’s love, and unfit to become the people God created us to be. With all of the avenues of communication and technology available to us today, it seems as if we should feel closer to one another. Unfortunately, just the opposite is true. We are less dependent upon one another now than we’ve ever been, which is why loneliness has become so widespread. Although loneliness is not a sin, God doesn’t want us living in a state of separation from one another because it leads to destructive consequences. Instead, He made us to live together and care about one another so we could enjoy His blessings. Therefore, we must consider how to overcome our loneliness.

II.10. Recognize that you are lonely: Many people believe their loneliness is a sign of weakness or inadequacy. We don’t feel worthy of being loved and are embarrassed by our emotions, so we hide our true feelings. However, this is the work of the enemy. Satan will tempt us to camouflage our sadness and disconnectedness so we don’t admit our real need. Sadly, our denial of the problem only drives us deeper into isolation. People realize that we don’t feel right about ourselves and respond to us accordingly. That’s why we must acknowledge our loneliness before God will help us overcome it. We must be willing for Him to deal with the root cause of it. How do we know we are lonely? Generally, loneliness is a feeling of hunger that food cannot fill, and there is something deep within us that is simply not connecting to others. It is not a sin to be lonely. However, a continuing state of loneliness makes us vulnerable to temptation and sin. Eventually we get ourselves into trouble because we try to make friends and find acceptance no matter what the price. And the cost is often much higher than we realize.

II.11. Recall the promises of God. God’s promises are always there to remind you that you are not alone: He is with you—to help you and comfort you in every situation. The only thing that can separate you from His love is your unbelief and rejection of it. Nothing else—not one thing in all of creation—can separate you from Christ’s love once you’ve accepted Him as your Lord and Savior. Therefore, obey and trust Him.

• “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me” (Psalm 23:4).

• “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10). At some point, each of us will face circumstances that cause anxiety. When we do, we must remember we are God’s children. We have the power to overcome fear when we apply His Word to our lives — remembering that He is always with us and will never fail or forsake us.

• “Remain in me, and I will remain in you . . . I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:4–5). The only way we can play a significant role in the kingdom of God is to allow Jesus to live His life in and through us. While apart from Him we can do nothing, in Him we can do anything He calls us to do.

• “He Himself has said, ‘I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU’” (Hebrews 13:5). Nothing in the world can give you the confidence and security that you need. Only God can do this. He is the only One who can promise that His presence will be with you eternally, no matter where you go or what you do. Therefore, do not fear whatever challenge may come. Keep your eyes on Him. He will certainly lead you in the very best way possible.

II.12. Reach out and develop relationships: Once you’ve been reconciled to God and have His truth in your heart, the next step to overcoming loneliness is to reach out to others and build relationships. However, there are two important cautions. First, do not develop just any kind of relationship; rather, build godly relationships. You must be very careful about the influence others have on your life. If you are connecting with ungodly people, your loneliness is only going to get worse because they will draw you further from God. However, a godly relationship will encourage you to grow in your faith. Look for people who bring joy to your life and who teach you more about Christ every time you are with them. Look for those you can pray with and who you can trust to keep you accountable. Second, seek relationships that are an extension of God’s presence and not a replacement for it. No one except God can truly satisfy your needs. Therefore, be very wary of people who want to take His place in your life or who want you to take His place in their life. God never intends for us to be everything to another person. He doesn’t want us to be codependent—looking to others for our self-worth and sense of belonging. Rather, we are to build others up by always encouraging them to seek Him. Never let earthly relationships come between you and God.

II.13. Refocus your attention: The final step you must take whenever you feel lonely is refocus your attention. Stop wondering if anyone is thinking about you or if others like you. Instead ask, Who needs some encouragement or help today? Who can I tell about God’s love? Follow Jesus’ example. He said, “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). Ask God what you can do for others, and get your focus off of yourself. God put us all together as the church to encourage one another and build relationships that glorify Him. However, you must choose to do so by an act of your will. Yet, when you do, God rewards you by bringing you into even deeper communion with Himself. And there is nothing that drives away loneliness faster than experiencing the loving presence of the living God.

Conclusion: Probably every person on earth will experience times of painful isolation at some point. Our fast-paced, independent societies are full of lonely people. The modern conveniences that made our lives easier also removed much of the interdependence other generations needed to survive. Even believers, who are indwelt with the Holy Spirit, go through dark moments when we feel entirely alone.

The good news is that God desires to rescue us from loneliness. As we draw near to the Lord and submit to His leadership, He enables us to develop fulfilling relationships—first with Himself and then with other people. God can lift the cloud of discouragement and isolation that separates you from others. Open your heart to the Lord today, and let His Spirit guide you out of loneliness.

This is not a one-time battle. Your feelings of loneliness may reoccur, and if you want to drive them from your life, you must put these five steps into regular practice. You must examine yourself and recognize when you are lonely. You must reconcile with God, confessing any sin in your life. You must recall the promises of God, remembering He is always with you. You must reach out and develop godly relationships. And you must refocus your attention from yourself to helping others. Because then God will forgive you, cleanse you, and remind you that you are His beloved child. He will also give you a vision for sharing His love with others. There is never any reason for you to feel unworthy, unwanted, or unloved—and there is certainly no reason for you to continue feeling lonely. Therefore, allow God into your life. Obey Him. Embrace His love. Because that’s the way you’ll experience life at its very best.