COMMON MISTAKES IN PREMARITAL RELATIONSHIPS : COMMITMENT

I will never stop reiterating the point that dating relationships are not meant for fun, to cure loneliness/boredom or to maintain status quo. I am not saying that you won't have fun or enjoy the company of who you are dating, but those shouldn't be the primary motivating factors for you to enter relationships.

Dating should be a stepping stone to courtship which would eventually lead to marriage. For clarity sakes and in avoidance of ambiguity due to semantics , you are supposed to date the person you want to marry. So, it goes without saying that if you are not intending to marry the person you are dating any time in the foreseeable future, you have no business dating that person.

I know, many of you might not agree with this and you might also be able to mention to me some benefits of premarital dating without marriage. Well, in a later post (or series as the case may be) I will fully explain to you why I hold this view. Now back to the subject for today.

Commitment is a major ingredient for a successful relationship. In fact, what makes a dating relationship different from ordinary friendship is the exclusivity factor denoted by commitment.

She is yours and you are hers. He is yours and you are his ...

... Most times what we call "cheating" in premarital relationships, is not cheating per se. Strictly speaking, cheating is when you become unfaithful to a partner whom you are otherwise committed to. When you have multiple partners none of whom you are committed to, that is not cheating. That is a whole different level of unfaithfulness. In fact , that one is faithlessness, because you were never faithful to begin with ... 😄

At this juncture I want to say that faithlessness is not having plenty male or female friends whom you interact with casually. No. Faithlessness is when you deliberately convey the idea that you are committed to several individuals, while having an ulterior motive not to be committed to any one of them. So check yourself to know whether you are still in the 'faith' and if you are not, repent and be converted ... 😂

The mistake that this post addresses with regards to commitment is not faithlessness but hasty commitment.

People come into our lives at different seasons for different reasons. It was Dr Myles Munroe that said "when purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable". When you don't understand the reason why certain people are in your life, you might make the mistake of thinking that they are the "one" ...

....I will keep on saying this. It is not everybody that you like that you will date. It is not everybody that you have a "crush" on that you will date, it is not everybody that you trip for that you will date, it is not everybody that you are in love with that you will date!

In certain seasons of life, you might find yourself "clicking" with certain individuals. That is not necessarily a "green light" to take it to the next level. That affinity might be for other reasons apart from a dating relationship. Find out what it is, before taking that leap.

Many single folks are in hurry to jump into relationships. The fact that she calls you consistently and always chats you up doesn't mean that she is the "chosen one", she could just be a nice friend. The fact that you enjoy his company and that he is so caring doesn't make him "Mr Right" , he might as well be a wonderful pal. You can have companionship without commitment. Yes, you can!

Emotions have their place in our lives but when it comes to decision making, they are very unreliable. One of the worst things you can do to yourself relationship wise, is to enter a relationship solely based on how you "feel" ...
... Regardless of how zig - zag the butterflies in your tummy fly when you hear his voice or how your heart does GBIM GBIM whenever you see her, you must ask the following questions:

(I.) What is the purpose of my relationship with this person?

(II.) Why did I meet this person at this point of my life?

(III.) What role does this person have to play in my life? ( and vice versa )

If you do not know the answer to these questions, there is a great chance that you might make an emotional decision which you will later regret.

Look, I am not one kind terminator that is impervious to emotions. I have had reasons to ask the above questions several times so I am not telling you to do what l read somewhere. This is what I do and it has helped me to create boundaries for some of my interpersonal relationships with the opposite sex. There is a catch, though. I didn't tell y'all whom to ask these questions. I ask God.

Okay, so when I say "God" some of you might think that I look up to the sky and shout these questions while a thundering voice answers me. I am talking about the Holy Spirit in me and in every other believer.

During my moments of communion I always make out time to ask some "extra - spiritual" questions and whenever I find myself being attracted to someone, I ask these questions, not necessarily aloud but in deep meditation. I tell you, I get answers every time and these answers guide me on my subsequent interactions with the individual in question.

In case you are not a believer or you are a believer who hasn't grown to this extent in his/ her relationship with God, you might find the following tips useful:

(I.) As much as possible, limit your interactions to areas of common interest. If the person is your colleague, let the bulk of your interactions be about work. If the person is your church member, let the bulk of your interactions be about church. Avoid "I want to know you better" discussions.

(II.) Don't start what you cannot finish. Consider the long - term view. If you enter a relationship with this person, will it lead to marriage? If not, don't bother. Remember, you can have companionship without commitment.