How To Poop Without Having To Wipe

Okay so normally when you take a dump you just sit down on the toilet, that's the main reason that poop smears on you and you have to wipe it off. Pretend your butt cheeks are like a rubber balloon that you're putting on the sink to fill up, first put your left check down and apply pressure while stretching to get the right cheek down. Now your cheeks are spread out a lot and when you poop there won't be any smear stains! #ToiletPaperLivesDontMatter