How can I make a post that will make a bunch of steemdollars quickly?

I'm trying to take advantage of the still somewhat high steemdollar rate.
Need upvotes FAST.
What? Who? Where do I post? OH GOD HURRY!!!

I need to quit my life and just make my show for a living that I dont even need to make because I already cashed out my bitcoin and am a millionaire.

Come on now Steemit, it aint no thang to upvote a post, we could all upvote eachother a million times and ALL become millionaires, but QUICK QUICK we GOTTA GO FAST. With the whole timing of how long it takes to cash out your posts, the prices could fluctuate, it seems to be holding stable FOR NOW but who knows what tomorrow will bring?? Net Neutrality hit my bitcoin and that dropped a little, but it seems to be rising again and AGGGGGHHHHHHHH THERES NO TIME!! I need to quit workin people my dayjob is CRAPPP!!! it isnt EVEN a dayjob its the worst graveyard of the nightshifts possible.

It is required that I randomly virally become a random internet millionaire RIGHT THIS INSTANT so that I can have freedom to pursue my creative and intellectual interests.

I'm still new to steemit, and I don't really know what to do on this website at the moment.
What kind of thing gets a lot of upvotes?