Being single

So all your friends are in a relationship. You don’t even have a situationship to struggle with. The only ship you have come close to is the lordship at your hood gate who after opening the gate will ask for bamba 20 sponsorship.

Suddenly no one has time. Marie is going for a road trip with Jilo and its a bae's only thing and they will be bonding.

Liz is travelling with babe for 3 nights and Jenny is around but you see, she is watching a match with hun at 3 then there is Fifa 2016 to play with babe and you know hun needs to eat so she is fixing a meal for him.

SO

You are in a frantic race. Trying to catch up and find your bae. You land on a dating site with a throb! Upload sexy pics and wait...operation find bae.

Date number 1

A little chit chat and date number 1 is on! He sends an uber and looking your best you show up. Bae is short. He reaches close to your shoulders. He says he would like something simple. A walk by the corniche then dinner.

You remove your heels and carry them in your hand because you feel like his momma. The talk is just not catching. The silence before the next word is louder than your butt cheeks doing a rythmical papapa sound because you went out of your way and pulled a commando to ensure no panty lines in your best outfit.

You are sweaty and the face is becoming shiny. You end up at the restaurant. You have tomato soup, a piece of broccoli, cauliflower, 2 potatoes, a chicken thigh and a long dania leaf.

The convo turns into a choir. You are now making mmmmhhh sounds more than talking.
Its tine to go home. Bae gets blocked while in the uber and the first stop is KFC to buy real food.

Date number 2

So you are eating the KFC chicken as you go through messages...He wants to meet. He likes a simple woman. You wash off your makeup, just have lipgloss and put on a jeans and a T shirt. He looks good. He smells good.

You would pretty much consider...and then...he calls the whole village to tell them how the bible says "he who finds a woman finds a good thing" he summons them to stop buy for a drink with their future inlaw. He dances in public and makes those "chai nigerian sounds" .

You instantly become his princess. While you are still wondering, the church elders come to see for their own eyes! Eeeh...and one elder reminds you that now as the wife to be of the village, you know that our wife thing? That one....yes. as one, now you have to put on a long dress that will cover everything including your sins.

You excuse yourself to go to the washroom and never comeback

Date number 3

His trousers are falling. He looks like he pooped in them. He has piercings all over and all you can hear is"gerr wharr am saying yo?"

Date number 4

He looks like the ideal....then he wants a woman who can cook, wash, Iron and do ther house chores. In his culture, men talk. Women listen. Men decide. Women follow.That the goodness of a woman is not her beauty but her character.

It is when you remember you ate food at nani's dinner invite a year ago and the food was probably contaminated and you guess you have food poisoning now. It is when you excuse yourself a billion times to the washroom and call Mark who is an ambulance driver to know where he is.
Next thing he sees you on a strtcher and sirens on and vooooop you are gone!!

You delete that dating site and go to church. That is where good husbands are found or so you think.

That is the day the pastor says "I can see a vision. Someone is getting a husband. Someone is getting a husband. Just sit and see miracles coming your way."

You go home. One knock on the door. You run for the door to 'collect' your husband. Even the ppastor saw him coming. It is the neighbors kid asking if you saw her hoola hoop that she left by your door.

You decide that it's never that serious so you will sit and wait for your friends to be single again. Of course they will all be single soon. To begin Liz , her temper. She will last a month.
Jenny will get tired of cooking and Marie is a career woman she will dump that guy.

Now that you are consoled, you grab a bowl of ice cream and a full plate of fries.