Why I Suck at Making Mom Friends...
I’ve been thinking about this for a long time—well as long as I’ve been a stay-at-mom (about 4 years now). I just couldn't figure out why I am having such a hard time making real connections with other moms. Sure, I can hang out with anyone and talk about my kids, but it never seems like we could really get past the few initial playdates. And no matter how much effort I’ve put into relationships (which has been a lot in my opinion) none of my friendships seem to last.
And then last week I read an article posted by a family therapist describing how Type A husbands often criticize their Type B stay-at-home wives. In the article she described the general characteristics of these Type B stay-at-home moms. And then it just all clicked for me!!
I can’t make mom friends because I am Type A and all the women I am spending my days with are Type B. I started to think more and more and thought about all my closest friends, the ones I’ve had for years. They are all Type A. I thought of the few stay-at-moms that I have a deeper connection with and they are also Type A. I just seem to have deeper friendships with people who have the same personality type.
I’ve always noticed that I’m quite different than most of the other SAHMs that I know, but I never really thought about personality type. It’s true. Type B people are more suited to staying home with kids and many Type A women choose not to stay at home because they are more suited for work outside the home.
(Of course I'm over-generalizing but these are my observations and are not meant to offend anyone)
So when it comes down to it, I was so grateful for that article and that epiphany. I thought there was something wrong with me and I seriously could not figure out why I haven’t been able to make more genuine friendships. But the sad thing is that I’m doomed in the friendship department until I go back to work or at least until I meet some more Type A stay-at-home moms!
Here's to hoping that changes soon.
Hey there @thehousewife I know how you feel. Being an on and off stay at home dad for several years. I don't make good connections with the parents at school. I am lucky to already have a very close knit group of friends already. That is not the problem. I just don't believe that you have to be friends with other parents out of proxy. Just because our kids are in the same class does not mean we have to be best friends. I don't think it works like that. I casually chat but I don't make solid relationships with other school parents. You are right, there is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with the other parents. I think if you continue being who you are, it's better than trying to force something that isn't really there. Cheers. I promoted your post.
Ha, I could so relate to your post. I was a stay at home mother for two years...and then had to return to work as I was going crazy!!! This was 20 years ago and those were different times. I imagine that if I were a SAHM today, I'd probably use my Type A personality to start a money-generating "yummy mummy" blog. I also tried to make friends, did the play date things, joined the PAC, helped at soccer camp...but I was treated with polite unease by the other mothers who treated me as if I was an alien. I never understood why until much later.
Reading this made me recall how my mom used to try to pidgeon hole everyone into type A and B too. I don't know where that nonsense came from, but the idea of putting personalities into 2 categories seems silly.
My mom was supposed to be "type A" according to her, but actually what she was trying to say was that she is better and works harder than everyone else, and everyone else (type B, her ex-husband and by extension, her kids) is lazy. which is all the excuse she needs to hen-peck people over trivial things.
I would call it narcissism. This could be part of your problem. Running around like a chicken with its head cut off does not necessarily accomplish anything.