Born Into Duality

So what would our society look like if everyone wholeheartedly explored their personal limits, found their edges, played with them, gracefully forgave themselves for inevitable shortcomings and learned to remain steadfast in that shaky, uncertain, sometimes excruciating inner territory?

What would our society look like if we educated ourselves and made a commitment that the Legacy of Duality stops here. Stops with me? Stops with you? My guess is that the resulting paradigm shift would have vastly positive effects on both the collective and personal levels.

Truth is that we have never done what we are being given the opportunity to do. Are you up for an Adventure?

Imagine walking a tightrope stretched high above the ground, a wire so taut and thin that to slip to either side would result in certain injury, like traversing the edge of a razor. Behind you lies the wreckage of our world that is dying — no turning back! On the horizon awaits the realization of a that world that WE all dream possible. On one side is consciousness and on the other unconsciousness. Slowly, surely, forward is the way…the only way. Just the thought of this perilous situation could spell FEAR for a great many people. But for others, the shaky uncertainty of this balancing act is a desirable mind state, one that exposes new opportunity and potential. The question becomes how do you reach that level of balance and resolve in spite of such seeming danger?

Even though we have been trained to Desire instead of being satisfied with who you are; we can be also be taught to overcome our own Fear of not having enough. It is a journey in which we can walk together, yet we must process through it alone as each of our stories and paths are different. There can be no comparison for our soul’s journey, so it is up to each of us individually to have the courage to look within. A question that I have been asking myself a lot recently is who would you be if the financial system that we currently exist within collapsed tomorrow?

Much of the story for myself was easy to identify, as I fully owned how as a child my desire to be seen and loved literally created a Dualistic Monster. I saw how the repeated message of ‘If they are too stupid to know, then they deserve what they get’ and ‘the government is going to fuck us over anyway, so we just take what’s ours’ started me on a path of ‘Arrogance on Steroids.’

I saw clearly how year after year in my corporate life, I had pushed myself to be the fastest, most effective manger no matter what company or position. I was very good in the dog eat dog world and I wouldn’t hesitate to chop someone’s head off if it meant a bonus for me. I wanted and needed to be the best at every turn. To say that I have lived my life to extremes as an over-achiever is quite the understatement.

I could clearly see those exterior pieces yet I knew that all of that was ‘only exterior’ and that I would need to return back inward as far as I needed in order to find where this energy was born. Since I have been blessed with numerous electric outages in the past few days, I decided to go within and really search for the core so that I could truly know who I am before it’s too late.

Literally in about 15 minutes after sitting down in meditation, I believe that I processed through one of the big cores to allowing my total escape from the my own Dualistic Split.

Instantaneously, I was pulled deep within. I saw a flash of myself at 5 years of age when I was forced to harm an animal for the very first time. I saw it clearly, I lived it again and I felt and smelled my surroundings with such clarity. I spent just a moment it seemed in deep, deep grief, shame, guilt and self-hate.

Then not unlike Ebenezer Scrooge on his journey, I was immediately whisked to another memory of the exact moment when I realized clearly that if I learned to hunt that I would somehow be safe and I wanted to harm things. With only two exceptions that I can remember I was constantly torn in two by the desire and need to ‘Be the Big Hunter’ in order to be seen and loved.

I watched a complete replay of the moment when I was 8 and actually shot the largest, oldest buck deer know to the county as ‘Majestic’.

I was so small for 8 years of age because my body still had not grown at that point because of the need to ‘literally BE SMALL’ and I vividly remember barely being able to hold the huge, heavy rifle in my little delicate arms. As a matter of fact that day I actually laid the rifle on a gate in order to steady my shot.

At 8 years of age, I could out shoot most men in the county and my aim on the ‘Majestic’ creature with the regal 14-point rack of horns was perfect. I shot him right in the small of his neck, which is the optimal spot for getting the most effective use of the meat.

As soon as he hit the ground, my pride turned to despair and I dropped the rifle and ran as hard as I could to the spot where his body lay. I collapsed in grief over his big belly and cried for what felt like eternity and I looked deeply into his beautiful, wise and loving eyes as he took his last breath in my arms.

I remember coming back into that reality and realizing that I would need to go get assistance because I was much to small to even move him.

I witnessed myself viewing this whole event in real time and I watched as each step that I took away from ‘My Majestic Buck’; led me directly into the praise and accolades and legendary status for my ability to hunt.

I watch in amazement time and time again as I was shown in an almost fast-forward sequence all the times that my father would lift me up onto the hood of our ’67 Chevy pickup and I would tell the tall tale of my conquest. Each telling I watched as I learned to work the crowd like a politician and animate my story to mesmerize the crowds. I became ‘Hillbilly Royalty’ at the country stores that surrounded our home and it felt good to be seen in what felt like positive attention.

Hunting became one side of my young existence because it allowed me to be seen and when I was on stage I was pretty safe.

What happened next, I really don’t have words for yet if felt like pieces of me were just being restructured almost like little building blocks being re-arranged.

In a flash, I felt the energy that moves through me connect with camp after camp after camp of children soldiers in Africa. I had watched a documentary recently entitled ‘Solider Child’ and had educated myself on the true state of affairs in the world and especially in Africa today. I remembered that while I watched it, I was feeling so separate from the pain that those children endure as they are trained to cause harm.

On my little Scrooge journey, I saw that I am not separate at all and I was shown a vision of a connection of Oneness that I had not experienced yet in this lifetime. It was so healing.

What a journey to bring me back to my relationship to ‘Duality’ which literally almost destroyed me physically because I pushed so hard to be seen and loved as the best, the fastest and the most successful.

My deep split of self-hatred/self love propelled me to be on stage most of my life and I had obviously built much of my image or persona around it.

As I am stepping more fully into my commitment of healing through processing to Oneness, I am moving at lightening speed with the support of so much Grace.

Once my mentor and friends said to me ‘What if ‘just being’ turns out to be the most profound doing’ that you achieve?’ That definitely peaked my attention yet in the moment I still did not yet have the capabilities to understand.

I gave to get because I still did not truly honor the source that flows through me because there was still that self-hatred within me around the actions of my energy towards those animals.

I was completely incapable of receiving. I was so afraid to receive because for me I did not feel worthy for one thing and also because I felt receiving indebted me. I would have much rather have you owe me in some way. It’s the premise that our entire current existence is built upon. The ponzie scheme where the few control the many.

****ALL Photos from the WEPhoto Collection unless otherwise noted!