Sunday Epistle

After many months of avoidance I finally managed to scrape up enough inspiration to attend a Sunday service at my home Church and by a mysterious stroke of something, today happened to be their children's day service, where all the littluns ran the service to the fascinated dread of everyone, but that's the boring overview.

Let us skip to the part where they did "special numbers" which for anyone who doesn't know, is supposed to be a song presentation. But you have to admit that with children anything can go just about anywhere...

The first "special number" had three girls in charge of the rendition, and it was a previously unheard version of an over popular Christian song or it was supposed to be, at this moment I'm mightily unsure, I'm could have "onise iyanu" they sang but I wouldn't bet #10 on it.

My second favourite performance had three boys who I wouldn't trust to sing "ba ba black sheep" without inspiring everyone to deafness, their selling point however was the ferociously seductive hip-swinging that accompanied the singing, the lead singer in particular had a swing-and-turn that would have made professional strippers terribly jealous, not like I know how strippers dance or anything, I'm just speculating innocently.

Favourite "special number" 3 belongs to a beautiful little girl, probably six or seven years old who sang "onise iyanu", the little lady sang so well that I held spellbound like many others, of course the instrumentalists are bound to disagree with me since little lady was very skilled at running from one key to several others in so quick a succession that the keyboardist quit trying to follow her inbred musical skill, and did she have amazing skill, confidence and grace.

I'll probably have her married to a young cousin of mine, she has way too much beauty and confidence to not want in the family.

The most spectacular performance went to a good looking boy, who in my opinion made the other performances look dumb, the boy who I'd reckon to be anywhere from nine to twelve years of age climbed the stage with a saxophone that was almost too big for him and stole my respect with a honest-to-God splendid performance.

The kid whose stage name turned out to be Ay Sax, completely killed it with a steady flow of songs that sent my usually unresponsive waist twisting in something like a dance, I'll even go as far as saying the kid is better than most of the precious few saxophonists I've met so far.

Enough with the kid though.

The highlight of the service was the amazing message by some visiting pastor who kept the whole church screaming different variations of "fire" about 6 to 7 times every 2 or 3 mins. He vigorously led the church on a killing spree of "star killers" as he called them, folks only interested in ending the stars of the believers, if you can believe that.

I'm not trying to be cynical or anything, but the pastor went on a ferocious crusade that would have led every desperate person to blame a whole lifetime of unrelated problems on the ever elusive "star killers", and in the traditional way of sealing the deal he had all the enthusiastic "star killer" killers pay a token sum as show of faith. Probably unbelievable for persons with my manner of religious inclination or distaste for divinely contracted murder.

In spite of everything the service was actually quite interesting, at least it was interesting for the short time I was awake.