I'm Back

I have a problem... those that know me, understand what it is... I'm lazy when it comes to posting, blogging, getting my thoughts out there, creating content, whatever you want to call it... I have a difficult time getting out of the comfort zone of coming home to sit in front of the TV or computer and becoming a great big pile of jello, zoning out on what I am watching, while at the same time ignoring what I created this site and blog to do... Get what thoughts I have in my head and expressing them. To be honest I have confidence issues, anxiety, and the fear of retribution (whatever that means). To be honest, I actually do have a lot to say, I just have a problem with getting those thoughts organized in my head enough to type them up and blog about it. I have a feeling I am not the only one that has these issues, but the thing is, I have a weekly Live Stream Sports Show and I have no audience, mainly because I suck at advertising it. @jongolson is on me every week about hos I don't promote the show, @pixiepost is more polite about it, but I know she wants to see more out of me. I want to see more out of me as well... and I know there is a market for what I can bring to the table... the issue is overcoming this anxiety and fear that has taken residence in the back of my head. I don't think I am good enough, I don't think I can gain the attention and I also fear that should I say anything controversial, what ramifications do I face as a result??

There are subjects I could discuss that aren't limited to just sports, and I wonder if instead of expressing these thoughts, should I just stick to sports, keep my opinions to what the majority agrees with and move on lackluster in a rut when in fact I want to scream from the rooftops about what I see and think is wrong in not only the sports world but in the real world as well. I'm not good with the quick comeback if I am hit by a troll or a person with the exact opposite opinion of mine. The debate... it scares me... I fear it... and I really don't want to face it. But I fear that if I don't address it... take it on... attack it... I will never truly be what I know I can be... Hard to change one's nature, attitude, and perception at 53 years old, but I know a change has to happen, if not for my own future, but for the future of this site/blog. I will remain an afterthought, a blip in the history of online presence, where no one reads my content. I need to find that drive... that spark that moves me to the next level. I have heard it from my friends for years about the potential I have inside... But just like the rest of my life, I sit here invisible...

I am not seeking sympathy, I have a good life, a good job, people that care about me, a great family, and above all I am pretty happy with how things are right now... I just can't help but think I want more... I want to be seen, heard, and vocal about my thoughts and opinions, no matter the cost or consequences... But the old feelings creep up into my head and tell me I will fail... the old man is talking to me from the great beyond telling me over and over again that I will amount to nothing. (yes my father was like that, and so is my step-father today) I have been told my entire life that I was a nobody, that I couldn't be successful, and the end result is that I have no self-confidence and told I have no talent and because of this, it has resulted in me not having any ambition, accepting that doing just "ok" was enough and that I shouldn't hope for anything better...

Man, this is depressing... here I am exposing what has held me back all these years, and not realizing most of you have already closed this post and moved on because you don't need the negativity... lol

For those of you that have stuck around this far, here it goes. I am officially going to get out of this comfort zone of being "just ok" and move forward. I will make the honest effort to move on and be what I had hoped to be, and I don't care if my thoughts are read by 1 or 101 people, I'm gonna put them down. you can love or hate what I write, I don't care, cause I'm gonna write either way. I'm gonna make it a point to be blunt, obscene if necessary, and put my heart on my sleeves. I will no longer fear the ramifications, I will no longer fear retribution, I'm gonna air out ll of the dirty laundry as I see it and if there are people that don't like it, well then too fuking bad... Buckle up... it's gonna get bumpy...

Let me end with this...

I am a Browns fan... I am an Indians fan... I am an Ohio State Buckeyes fan... I am a Tampa Bay Lightning fan... I am also and fans of the Buccaneers and the Tampa Bay Rays... most of what I write will be about those respective sports teams, but I will go off the reservation at times and bring politics, pop culture, movies and music into the fold. I have a ton of opinions and plan to express whatever is on my mind on any particular day of the week or month... Thanks for reading...

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Posted from my blog with SteemPress : http://thesportsnerd.us/770-2/

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