More Than A Dream

I've kept this dream to myself for a long time, but the other day I found myself explaining it to my husband and ever since it left my lips I've felt an urge to write it down and share it with others.

I was living in a city. It was the future, but it wasn't futuristic. The architecture was distinctly different, and there may have been some technological advancements, but my dream self wasn't particularly interested in any of that. Something was happening, and something was about to happen. The sense of impending disaster was palpable. I was running around the city, trying to find my loved ones. At one point I found myself standing on the sidewalk with my mother, and I was telling her to wait there. I was going to find "Him". He'd know what to do.

So I ran through the city, to a tall, complicated building. I went up countless stairs, trying to get to the top. It seemed to take forever, and the closer to the top I got the more the sense of urgency pressed me to go faster. I got lost more than once. Finally, I reached the top floor. It was an open floor plan, and there were poor, tired, destitute people sitting on the floor. They wore rags, and some had backpacks. They were waiting for something, and seemed to have been waiting for a very long time.

There was one room on that otherwise empty top floor. It was like an office, with walls all of glass, but I couldn't see in. He was in there, I knew. So I approached, and opened the door. What I found inside was a man, and also light. I don't mean that he was a man who shone brightly. He was a man, and he was also light. The two aspects were distinct but equally real, and equally Him. I could barely look at him, just as one can't quite look at the sun. And the feeling that came over me at the finding of Him melted/blasted/commanded/convinced me to the floor. It was the most wonderful feeling I had ever experienced. I fell to His feet and wept with relief, love, grief, gratitude, and awe. I had been looking for Him, thinking that He would know what to do in the face of impending doom, but I found that merely finding Him was the solution. Everything was okay now. I was utterly subject, found that I was nothing and yet loved, cherished and held as a precious treasure through no merit of my own. I was awash in a feeling, a state of being, that I have never experienced before or since. I was empty and full. Wonderful does not begin to describe the smallest fraction of a percent of what I felt at that moment. It was like dying and coming alive at the same moment. It was washing away everything I've ever thought and finding out the greatest secret ever, a secret which shouted all around me and through me that it needn't ever have been a secret at all, and the secret laughed and wept at the fact. And the thought of ceasing to bow at His feet was now alien to my mind, for it was self evidence that this was the place, the act, for which I was made; the puzzle into which I fit in as a missing piece. Forever stretched out before me, and I would always be there, being this and feeling this.

There may have been more to the dream, but anything that may have happened after was completely overshadowed by that moment. It was THE moment of my life. Upon waking I realized that it was a gift from the Almighty, and I will be forever grateful that I was given that taste of what I was made for. My faith was primarily on the intellectual level prior to that point. Now it is experiential, and that is far more powerful, if less communicable. But as insufficient as words are for these things, I felt the urge to try here. I pray that others may receive a gift like that which I have been given.