Projecting Part 3 - Radical Acceptance: The Falsehood of Expectancy

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If the Fear don’t get you…

What does it mean to accept beyond the act of mere physically receiving? The most obvious answer, you would likely place somewhere in the meta regions of self-acceptance. But again, what does that mean?

To believe you’re accepting of yourself simply because you are not in crisis is something of a misnomer. It is similar to the logic of believing the absence of disease is an indicator of good health. The question of self-acceptance is a more complex issue.

Taking a moment to re-visit Fear will help provide the context. It is the entry point into all undesirable states – the gateway, and the feeling of Dread plays perfectly into this narrative. It is like fear magnified to the nth degree, but with a subtle change in its dynamic.

In Fear, there is the ‘belief’ that something bad is going to happen, whereas in the latter case, that belief has been replaced with resignation, and the relinquishment of all hope. Although unified by the concept of projection, they remain similar, yet different.

Fighting Fire with Fire…

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I made the point in a previous article , that what we most Fear, invariably, is very far from how things will eventually unfold. However, in the case of Dread, the stakes have been raised somewhat. We shift from a speculative mindset, of playing out numerous outcomes, to a more definitive one.

The level of expectancy rises dramatically.

Our thoughts do have power; they are incredible manifestors. And whilst we are not going to bring down the apocalypse on ourselves with each flicker of the imagination, it is in our best interest to prevent any gaining traction, that do not serve our highest good.

We could of course, treat with contempt anything we don’t agree with, or that doesn’t align with our intentions. But remember, these are your thoughts that have etched themselves onto your psyche, and continually knock on the door of your conscious. They are a part of you.

What good is it then, when already in place of negative polarity, to berate yourself even further?

Neutralising the Problem

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So often is it the case, that we resort to telling the mind to shut up, or use other oppressive language and thought patterns to combat it. This is tantamount to self-abuse. We do not find peace through aggression; the way is of self-nurture.

A negatively charged mind must be responded to with one of positivity. It is so rational, yet so easy to overlook in the heat of the moment. But just as acid and alkaline solutions neutralise each other on contact, so do emotions follow the same rule of base chemistry.

To provide this remedy to ourselves, then, we must come from a place of Love.

Accepting Responsibility

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See yourself as a guardian, and all those thoughts in your head, they’re actually the parts of you that have been so hurt, they’re crying out in pain. Imagine they’re like small children in need of attention, and not the saboteurs or antagonists we imagine them to be.

We would never display aggression towards an infant in turmoil. It’s so callous that it is barely comprehensible. So why should you be any different? Why do you not deserve that level of self-nurture? You are the only one who can this for provide yourself.

To transmute any feeling from one of a negative to a positive charge, all that is needed are these three simple words:

‘I love you.’

Focus them towards your Dread, or whatever is calling for your attention at that moment, and say it over and over again. It does not have to be out loud; it can be silent. But do so with conviction - feel it swelling in your heart, as you repeat it. The power comes from your intent; empty words hold no weight.

You can do this anytime, any place, at home or at work, in company or alone. Any time you feel yourself being pulled into the orbit of negativity, whisper that phrase to yourself.

‘I love you.’

This is the way of radical acceptance. It does no good to push away what it causing you discomfort. These parts of yourself, you cannot escape them. What you resist persists, and it is only through the path of acceptance that you can find freedom from adversity.

Even in Defeat

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But then, supposing the feeling of dread is legitimate, and there is certainty around a happening we know will not serve us. How do we reconcile this? The answer remains the same. The way of acceptance, of making peace, is still the most powerful way of mediating the never-ending malaise.

And whilst this is not going to solve whatever ‘problem’ is arising, it can most definitely lessen the emotional bondage, averting the escalation into melodrama. Acceptance is a preventative, as well as a present solution to finding peace. It is a powerful way to live.

You cannot scare yourself into Nirvana. It is entirely counterintuitive, and there is no threshold at which point dread becomes calm. Negative emotions stacked upon one another simply bare more weight for you to carry.

By accepting what will come to pass, it gives us the oppurtunity to act with grace, and cultivate a sense of dignity. Be kind, be loving and be generous to yourself. Come from a place of self-nurture, and loving intent.

The falsehood of expectancy is that in acceptance, the power it has over us diminishes.

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Question: What layers could you add to this? Do you agree/disagree?

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Previous Articles in the Series

Projecting Part 1 - The Fear We Hold Onto is the Love We Deny Ourselves
Projecting Part 2 - Manufacturing Adversity: The Projection of Ego
Projecting Part 3 - Radical Acceptance: The Falsehood of Expectancy
Projecting Part 4 - Honesty is the Greatest Form of Courage

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