Hunting God: A HowTo, Day 11 - I will communicate my grievances and let them go.
Day 11 - I will communicate my grievances and let them go.
You may have done everything possible to decide to forgive the person who is behind the grievance and have reasoned within yourself that it is best to just let it go and move on, but the grievance remains. You are left with a Type Two emotional grievance to which your emotional self has attached. Your feeling nature is ignoring the mind and exercising its own power and authority over your life.
When your emotional self makes such a stand you have to speak to it in its own language. It doesn’t understand logic and reasoning. It only understands communications with feeling behind them and the seeker must deal with it in its own language.
Let us go back to the situation with Jill and Joan. Jill’s emotional self felt very warm about the poem she wrote and was devastated when it felt as if Joan attacked it. Jill’s mental self tried to reason the hurt away, but the emotional self would not have it. It wants justice meted out on an emotional level.
If justice was up to the emotional self it would influence Jill to attack Joan on the next encounter and show her how it feels to be criticized unjustly.
Here the mind of the seeker must step it. The solution cannot be left up to the emotional body or tragedy will be the result. When a grievance is involved the solution the emotional self comes up with always involves attack and revenge.
The mind using its reasoning powers can see where the attack approach will lead. Unfortunately, many minds are not clear as to how to proceed to solve the problem. Let us use the mind and look at the choices Jull has:
(1) The mind can acquiesce and let the emotional self have its way. Joan will attack back and probably destroy the friendship.
(2) The mind can refuse to let the emotional self have its way and just continue the relationship as if nothing has happened.
This is the course taken by most minds, but the problem is that the grievance remains and will cause problems as soon as the mind relaxes its control over the feeling nature.
(3) Jill can have a heart-to-heart talk with Joan and communicate as harmlessly as possible the hurt she feels.
This is the only step that permanently solves the problem. The emotional self feels it is communicating the hurt and will be satisfied. The communication could go something like this:
Jill: You may think it is kind of silly, but you really hurt my feelings after you read my poem.
Joan: Really? I didn’t mean to. What did I do?
Jill: I know you’ve written a lot of poems but I have just written that one. That was my first attempt and I put a lot of heart into it. When I showed it to you I thought you would see the feeling I attempted to convey and identify with it. Instead, you responded dryly that it was corny. That really hurt my feelings. It may seem silly, but I can’t shake the hurt.
Joan: I didn’t realize that was your first poem or I would have been more understanding. Yes, the poem did have heart and it was touching and by “corny” I did not mean it was bad, but kind of old fashioned, but that is sometimes a good thing. I suppose my correcting your English didn’t help.
Jill: (At this point Jill’s emotional self is already feeling much better) I have to admit that added fuel to the fire. You came across like an old fashioned schoolmarm reviewing the paper of a failing student.
Joan: (She laughs) I can be that way at times. I hope I didn’t discourage you from writing more poetry. If that was your first poem, then overall it was really pretty good.
The two give each other a hug and the grievance is completely replaced by warm loving energy strengthening the bond beyond what it was before.
So, what happens if Joan is not so gracious, thinks that Jill is being ridiculous and is offended at the insinuation that she caused the grievance?
In this case Jill can still let go of the grievance because it has been communicated. Joan’s refusal to have empathy and share in the responsibility will cause the energy of the grievance to settle on her own emotional body. She will now bare the burden of the grievance and will have to deal with it.
Today’s assignment: Review possible grievances and see if any are active. If so make a plan to communicate that grievance to the person involved at the earliest possible moment. Do so in as harmless and loving way as possible.
If you cannot find an active grievance then make up your mind to diffuse any that come along in the future. Think this thought to yourself throughout the day.
“I will diffuse all my grievances through loving and honest communication and pave the way for the light of the soul.”
Copyright by J J Dewey
Hunting God: A HowTo, Day 10 - I will change my mind today
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