Okay, have to update you now that I'm back from a Buddhist New Year's celebration at which I was the sort of emcee (technically umzed).

I really had our above conversation on my mind, your original post and our dialog afterward. I was keenly aware of how judgmental I was being toward myself, because I was nervous being on the stage and all mic'd up and being recorded for worldwide broadcast for such an important event.

I meditated on these ideas over and over throughout any portion where I didn't have to speak, saying to myself: "You are doing it perfectly. Your natural state is perfect joy. Nothing has gone wrong. There is no reason to blame yourself. There is no reason to blame anyone out there. They are all participating perfectly. Everything is as it should be. Just allow who you are to naturally shine. You can't get it wrong. Even if you blame yourself, that is perfectly all right too." And so on.

There actually were a few snafus here and there. No one gave me the announcement about the celebratory meal afterwards, so I had to wing it. I lost count during the chanting so didn't know when to ring the bell, and was afraid someone else had kept proper count so knew I was wrong (as if they ever would). Then at the break I again forgot to keep track of time. I was so engrossed in chatting with friends, then mid-sentence yelled out, "Oh crap! I forgot to keep the time" which made the section of the room nearest me immediately go silent, while I scurried to go find the bell to ring and draw everyone back from the break.

Thankfully, all the repeating of the above reminders caused me to laugh at my missteps instead of feeling anger or shame. I really had to suppress my laughter while the chanting went on, then just rang the gong when it seemed about right. LOL

Even when the teacher appeared to go up from his private room to give the teaching after the break, and noting how late it was I rang the bell to reconvene everyone he whispered to me, "Isn't there supposed to be a teaching today?" Without missing a step or feeling any self-condemnation, I replied, "Yes, and YOU'RE the one giving it!" To which he replied with laughter himself.

Then, cherry on top, afterward a number of people came up to me to tell me how much they enjoyed watching me during the ceremony because I was such a clear embodiment of the joy the teacher was talking about. Little did they know it was because I was just reminding myself again and again that my nature was joy, and praying that nothing obscure that. Between that and trying to simply do all the steps for my role at the right time and in the right away, there just wasn't any room left for ego mind busyness.

Then even the teacher came up to me to thank me for leading the service and asking me to please do it more often. And then two of the people who had been expressing appreciation to me began telling the teacher the same things about me! I had to run away at that point. LOL

Anyway, thought you might enjoy hearing about the continuing evolution of our little convo here. Blessings.