This is a difficult truth to process when your waking up. The more you deny it the further you are from your truth as denying the polarity is an instinctive collection of masks that we use to deny something that is apart of everyone. Integrating it is a difficult process. I’ve had a few nightmares where it comes and frightens the life out of me like look here i am.. whats so freaky is that it feels like a part of you but not at the same time i feel like its old emotional energy that has to come up to be healed because the more you rise the more fluent your energy is so it brings up the repressed so it can be healed. Maybe it is collective, personal or even from previous lifes. The fact that its coming up is a good thing to keep hope and courage to go into it takes time to understand and remember that in your darkest moments this is what needs to be done. What you say is true.. waking up isn’t easy its constant clearing making way for more growth