I don't trust you

I always say I have a healthy distrust of people, and I do believe that it's been an asset when it comes to navigating my life. It's not that I don't like meeting someone new, it's just that I want to make sure that this person that I am inviting into my life (in however small amount) is going to be a good, productive investment for my future.

Now, I'm not talking about money, of course. I am talking about whether or not getting to know this person, or involving them in my life and my activities, will bring about something positive not just for now, but in the long run.

That said, meeting new people is just the beginning. Keeping them around is another story, not to mention weeding out the ones that have gone sour and could potentially upset my lifestyle or damage my foundations (faith, family, health and safety).

Who is this person, what is their background, how do they talk, dress, act..?
Where did I meet them, where do they usually hang out, what do they do for fun or leisure..?
Do I agree with their beliefs, their principles..?
Are they motivated by good or by bad experiences..?
These are just some of the questions I contemplate on while spending time with my friends and acquaintances, both old and new. It's always good to calibrate your social circle, so to speak.

It's never easy to weed out your friendship garden, but that is exactly what you need in order to fully bloom.
Another way I go about this is asking the question: is this person sent to my life to be a lesson for me, or am I the lesson for them? Am I able to share something that may help them now? Are they open to counsel and suggestions, or are they stubborn and frustrating (in which case, I may keep them around but will no longer offer advice)?

Are these people only here for me when I am at the top of my game? Or are they also there for me when I am defeated, digging me out from under a pile of shit? Is their advice or suggestion morally acceptable according to my faith, or are they leading me to a path that may solve temporary problems only by permanently selling my soul?

It may sound like a lot of work for something as simple as friendship, but that is just my point. Can you even call it friendship if it doesn't do me any good, spiritually, mentally, emotionally?

I look at my friends list on social media, and a lot of them I have shared great moments with, some even worth years. But most of them were good for me only at that certain point in my life. Either I outgrew them, or they outgrew me. And while it may be sweet to reminisce and wish those moments could be relived again, I know deep inside that I have already learned the lessons life was teaching me through those people, and that chapter of my life is now closed. Most of them are now only as close to me as acquaintances, but that does not mean I have forgotten the experiences we had. That also does not mean that I am discounting any possibility of reconnecting with them and reigniting our friendship in future.

On the other hand, I've also been on the other side of the fence. I've had "friends" ghost me just because I changed my relationship status, or moved to a different city or company. I've even had people avoid (or block) me for no reason that I am aware of. I may feel bad about that, but I keep in mind that they are simply doing what is best for them and their emotions. They may not see me as the fun, spontaneous and quirky person they used to like, but that isn't always a bad thing. People change, and if I lose friends because I changed for the better, then it's a win for me.

I think in general, people are just wary of me. It may be something that I am projecting - like, a don't-talk-to-me kind of vibe. It makes me sad sometimes, that people do not see me as approachable or friendly, and they don't want to hang out because they don't see me as someone lively and entertaining. If they do not feel the need to invest in me, then likewise. But again, I look at the bright side. If someone is 'brave' enough to break the ice, they will see that I am quite interesting, and who knows, we might even become quality friends.

Anyone else like this?