Parents separation and its impact on the children
I recently heard that someone I know is parenting her children alone. Her husband left the family after realising that he simply could not bear being with her anymore (of course, a third younger person is involved). More than a decade earlier, I overheard from her sister that her husband has hit her. I thought that was the end of the story and a one-time incident. Still, I began disliking him even then.
Prior to learning about the incident, I have always thought of him as a likeable individual. He was always smiling, always helpful, always professional. There was never a moment when he was not courteous to me or my mother, perhaps because we were clients at the bank where he worked. Anyway, it is normal for people to separate what is personal and what is professional when it comes to work. I also don't show my own sadness for the whole world to see when I am in "work mode". Anyway, I live quite a contented life -- not perfect, but I am contented. I am grateful for even the ability to breathe and to breathe well because there were a period in my life where even that became a hardship. Some people are constantly chasing after dreams, trying to look posh on the outside, but inside they are just dreary and unhappy since they have to constantly keep up with the invisible expectations of the community that surrounds him or her, or perhaps that is just something they choose to believe. From my observation, I can see that most people won't even remember what a person wears or how polished they look at the end of the day because they too are so busy to notice. I certainly don't. Perhaps others do. What people do remember is the kindness bestowed to them -- such as opening the door when one is struggling with small children and groceries, when someone gives up their seat for someone else (irrespective of age and gender).In my case, I have always remembered the act of kindness be it in a smile, an apology and assistance. I don't always remember the face of the person who helps, but their act of kindness have continued to remain in my heart and in my mind.
Let me revert the attention back to my friend. So I found out her husband has ditched her and their children. He drives this posh blue SUV while she drives a worn out dilapidated sedan that is already struggling to take her places. He is all polished, and looking every bit like a businessman ready to face the world, while she, a struggling and worn out mother trying to ensure her kids get the education and nutrition they need, while still attending to her 9-to-5 job.
And the story becomes even more sadder. Their youngest is struggling mentally, spiritually and has become uncontrollable. He has lost interest in his education, and has been kicked out of school for his unruly behaviour. I have always thought that showing ones unconditional love to ones kids is an important part of healing, more so in this case. But I wonder how she could reach out to him when its seems like he has shut his ears to hear and heart to feel. The abandonment of his father must have really hurt so much. I pray that my friend will be able to eventually reach out to her son.
With all these issues facing the mother, I sometimes wonder if the father feels any remorse or guilt. I see him, once in a while, and I am disgusted because it seem like looking posh is the only thing that matters. He should look disheveled, and tired, and unhappy if he was in that situation. But he doesn't. I feel sad, because nothing is worse for a child than an uncaring parent.
He continues to not provide for his children, and doesn't see them as his responsibilities. The mother carries all that weight of raising the children on her own. Some might argue, he has his own life now. But the children are also his. Where are his responsibilities? It saddens me when parents forget their role as parents.
He is just so vain.
Anyway, how does one make a parent care enough for his children to stop their irresponsible acts and forgo their own needs? I have yet to find an answer for that.