INFLUENCE AND FRIENDSHIP : a starting guide of 7 tips on how to win friends

In this world of social media people are lacking the basic skills of communication and getting people
attracted to you in a friendly or romantic way. The greatest book on becoming a social person, good leader and a very attractive person in general is Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.
This book is a classic and all the books on self-help have used this book as a reference. There are many subtle tips and tricks mentioned in the book about how to use these tips and tricks in the real world. So I highly recommend you to go and read the book or if you are lazy and broke go to this like.

1. Become genuinely interested in them and get them talking about themselves.
   • I have a friend who listens to me during the conversation, but sometimes I get a gut feeling they are not listening to me or interested and I noticed she nods her head and says “aha aha” before I even make the statement. So even if I did talk about myself I won’t feel like I have a good friend in her. So Become genuinely interested don’t fake it because the human mind can pick up on those subtle signals.

2. Let the other person feel the idea is theirs
   • If you are in a group setting and the other person doesn’t agree with you instead of trying to convince them let them convince their selves by making them come up with the same idea. It also helps if you make them feel good about themselves for coming up with that idea. A genuine compliment doesn’t cost anything.

3. Don’t try to take credit for everything
   • Don’t let your ego get in the way of you making friends. Let other people take credit one in a while. But don’t be a pushover , it is one thing to give credit where credit is due but don’t let others push you around and make you do all the work while they reap the benefits of your labour. Those kinds of friends are not worth having.

4. Talk about your own mistakes before giving criticism
   • Before you get others to open up to you, you have to open up to them. Share a personal story about yourself to make the other person more comfortable. It is also a good way to get people to listen. By showing you are also human and have made mistakes in the past you allow them to open up and admit their mistakes as well. Just don’t mock them after they admit to their mistakes.

5. Don’t use the word “But” when giving constructive criticism, use “And” instead
   • When giving feedback to someone don’t use the word “But” after the positive note because it psychologically tells that what came before doesn’t matter. So use the word “And” before giving the criticism.
   Example:
   Your grades were better than last time, but let’s do better next time. (Don’t)
   Your grades were better than last time, and let’s do better next time. (Do)
   • The feeling you get when reading both sentences speaks for itself.

6. Getting the other person to say “YES”
   • The smallest commitment upfront can pave the way to bigger commitments. If you can get someone to do something small for you the next task will make sense to because if they did this why can’t they do that.
   This final Idea is something not in the book but good to know if you are planning to attract a partner or to make people feel comfortable around you.

7. Touch
   • This means touching the person in a friendly way to make them feel comfortable around you. This could also apply to making friends. Please don’t touch butts or chests like a creep. The act of touching should be natural like touching the shoulder, arm, giving high fives like that.

Please use this ideas wisely, but don’t stop here there are many more tips and tricks I didn’t put in this article hoping you read the book.