• What if I disappear for a while? •
Hello ?𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴?
So lately I've been feeling dejected. Since the start of April, a lot of sad things (some big news and some little tragedies) had been appearing out of nowhere. I can't believe my birth-month betrayed me like that. I tried to laugh it out and pretend like nothing's happened but as much as I try to be strong, my heart can only take too much. And now, as a result, things have become messy. My room's a mess. My mind's a mess. And I can't sort out my emotions.
The sad thing is that I can't express the things that's been weighing me down. I don't know which to point out because there's just a lot of frustrations that I have been keeping for so long. I guess it's a part my personality; bottling up feelings until I eventually explode and destroy all my functions.
I am a happy person on the outside but inside I am a sad soul. So I get a lot of mistreatment and misunderstanding even from long time friends. And every snarky remarks from strangers and friends these days (even though I know that they do not truly mean it), is fueling the gloomy state that I am in and adding up to pain I am trying so hard to hide and ignore. It is so fucking draining just being nice to people who don't appreciate it.
I am grateful to the friends who allowed me to vent out and listened wholeheartedly.
People, please do a little self-check to see if you are okay. And after that, please also check if you are treating your friends well, because you might not be aware of the things they are battling alone. It's all fun and games until respect is out the picture and then you're just being scumbags for taking it way too far. But that's another story and I don't think I have enough energy to expound on this topic.
I know this is the nth time I am deactivating my socmed accounts. I think I do this almost every year. It's just that I am very into self-awareness and right now, I am aware that I am not okay so I have to do something about it. Maybe take a break from communicating with people, read books, enjoy hot teas in the quiet, regain my peace, and come back composed so i can again share my peace with you all. ✨