How to overcome shame, according to science
The fear of embarrassment can be overwhelming and can hinder the performance of daily activities. How to master it.
Have you ever asked a woman if she was pregnant and she answered with a severe "No"? If so, did you instantly feel the need to be swallowed up by the earth? You have probably refrained from making any comments about someone's physique since then. It's just one example, but the fear of a embarrassing situation is so serious that it prevents some people from doing such normal things as asking questions at public meetings or seeing a gynecologist for a major checkup.
How can these fears be overcome? New research published in the journal Motivation and Emotion may have found the answer.
The'actor' in front of the'observer'.
The key to dealing with an overwhelming fear of being humiliated or embarrassed in public can be in the perspective we take, the study suggests.
For example, by reading the above anecdote, you probably put yourself in the shoes of the "actor", that is, the one who feels the need to disappear when the commentary is fucked up. But what if you could limit yourself to a more distant and strictly observant perspective, such as that of the reader of this news?
If you managed to adopt an observer's perspective every time you imagined a potentially uncomfortable social situation, you would have the key. That's how researchers at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA, came to this conclusion.
Studying the shame
Jiang and his team conducted three experiments, each with an embarrassing announcement.
In the first experiment, participants had to look at an advertisement where someone farted during a yoga class. The second ad featured people seeking testing for sexually transmitted diseases. The third presented a scenario in which someone accidentally burps in front of a potential partner.
The researchers asked the participants how they would feel in these three situations (to what extent they identified with the'actor' or'observer' perspective), and also tested their reactions.
The study found that people who adopted the actor's perspective tended to be much more self-aware in social situations, but that when participants consciously tried to adopt an observer's perspective, their levels of self-awareness were reduced.
Therefore, training yourself to be an observer and not an actor can significantly decrease discomfort levels and help us be less evasive.
These findings have profound implications for the psychology of marketing, explains Li Jiang, leader of the work. "Avoiding embarrassment forms the basis of attempts to motivate consumers to buy a wide variety of products, from detergents that can solve stains around someone's neck, to dishwashing liquid that can remove unsightly stains on dishes.
"Shame prevents us from seeking advice about what we should do, for example, about our rising mortgage bills or unwanted pregnancies. In many cases, if we want to help ourselves and others, we must overcome our fear of shame in social situations," he concludes.