未来的性生活 （中文翻译）前言部分（from the book <future sex> written by Emily Witt）
I was single,straight,and female. When i turned thirty,in 2011. I still envisioned my sexual experience eventually reaching a terminus, like a monorail gliding to a stop at Epcot Center. I would disembark, find myself face-to-face with another human being, and there we would remain in our permanent station in life: the future.
我是一个单身，循规蹈矩的女性。2011年的时候我30岁。我依然想象着我得性经验能够最终画一个句号，就像是一个轨道在爱博卡特中间终止。然后我下车，在于另外一个人的面对面的生活中找到自己，并且一起相伴终生面对未来。
I had not chosen to be single but love is rare and it is frequently unreciprocated. Without love i saw no reason to form a permanent attachment to any particular place. Love determined how humans arrayed themselves in space . Because it affixed people into their long-term arrangements., those around me viewed it as an eschatological event, messianic in its totality. My friends expressed a religious belief that it would arrive for me one day, as if love were something the universe owed to each of us, which no human could escape.
并不是我要选择单身，而是爱情很稀缺并且经常得不到回应。没有爱情我找不到任何理由去构建一个长久的忠诚关系对任何一个特殊的地方。爱情决定了人应该如何安排他们自己的生活在这个世界中。因为它将人们固定在一起进入一个长期的安排，她使我感觉到看见了末世论的事件，总的来说就是救世主一样。我的朋友表达了宗教般的信念，认为未来某一天它终究会来的，认为爱情是宇宙欠我们每一个人的，没有人会逃离。
I had known love, but having known love i knew how powerless i was to instigate it or ensure its duration. Still i nurtured my idea of the future, which i thought of as the default denouement of my sexuality, and a destiny rather than a choice. The vision remained suspended, jewel-like in my mind, impervious to the storms of my actual experience, a crystalling point of arrival. But i knew that it did not arrive for everyone, and as i got older i began to worry that it would not arrive for me.
我知道爱情，但是也知道了对於爱情我是多么的缺乏动力去寻找或者确定它的期限。就这样我依然发展我的关于未来的想法，那就是我想象的我的性经验的违约的结局，这其实是命运而不是我的选择。愿景仍然充满不确定，jewel-like在我的脑海中，对于我的实际经验的暴风不受影响，一个水晶般的点的到来。但是我知道这不是会到达每一个人，当我慢慢变老的时候 我担心这并不会对我到来了。
A year or two might pass with a boyfriend, and then a year or two without. In between boyfriends i sometimes slept with friends. After a certain number of years many of my friends had slept with one another,too. Attractions would start and end in a flexible manner that occasionally imploded in displays of pain or temporary insanity, but which for the most part functioned peacefully. We were souls flitting through limbo,piling up against one another like dried leaves, awaiting the brass trumpets and wedding bells of the eschaton.
与一个男朋友相处一两年，然后再过一两年单身的日子。在前后男友之间我有时候会和朋友上床。经过几年之后我的朋友之间也会经常上床。一段关系会开始和结束在一个灵活的态度中，偶尔会感到内心崩溃，会表现的十分痛苦偶尔会精神错乱，但是大部分时候都是很平静的。我们的灵魂会在不确定的状态中快速飞过，并像树叶一样堆起对抗着别人，等待着末世的黄铜小号和婚礼钟声。
The language we used to describe these relationships did not serve the purpose of definition. Their salient characteristic was that you had them while remaining alone, but nobody was sure what to call that order of connection. “hooking up” implied that our encounters had no ceremony or civility. “lovers” was old-fashioned, and we were often just friends with the people we had sex with, if not “just friends.” usually we called what we did “dating.” a word we used for everything from one-night stands to relationships of several years. People who dated were single, unless they were dating someone. “single” had also lost specificity: it could mean unmarried, as it did on a tax form, but unmarried people were sometimes not single but rather “in a relationship” , designation of provisional commitment for which we had no one-word adjectives. Boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner implied commitment and intention and therefore only served in certain instances. One friend referred to a “non-ex” with whom he had carried on a “nonrelationship” for a year.
我们的语言用来描述亲密关系的词汇并不实际指向其必然的目的。最显著的特点是当你仍然单身你有它的时候，但是没有人确定如何称呼这种连接的规则。“Hooking up”意味着我们的邂逅是没有仪式感的。 “lover”已经是过时的词汇了，而且我们一起上床的人经常只是一种朋友关系，如果不是“仅仅是朋友”的话。 通常我们称呼我们的行为是“dating”，这个词汇我们可以用来表述任何事情，从一夜情到长期关系都可以表达。约会的人都是单身，除非他们正在约会某人。“single”已经失去了专一性：既可以指未婚，并不处在一种征税状态，但是未婚的人有些时候并不是单身也有可能正在恋爱，对于临时的承诺的称呼，我们并没有一个确定的形容词。 男朋友，女朋友，伙伴意味着承诺和和目的，并且因此它只在确定的距离中使用。一个朋友是指“非前任”并且持续了非恋人关系有一年的时间。
Our relationships had changed but the language had not, in speaking as if nothign had changed, the words we used made us feel out of sync. Many of us longed for an arrangement we could name, as if it offered something better, instead of simply something more familiar. Some of us tried out neologisms. Most of us avoided them. We were here by accident, not intention. Whatever we were doing, nobody i knew referred to it as a “lifestyle choice”. Nobody described being single in new york and having sporadic sexual engagement with a range of acquaintances as a “sexual identity.” i thought of my situation as a “sexual identity.” i thought of my situation as an interim state, one that would end with the arrival of love.
我们的关系已经改变，但是语言还没有更新。话说如果没有事情改变的话，相关的语言会让我们觉得不同步和迷惑。我们当中的很多人属于一个确定的关系，这是可以命名的，就犹如它提供了更好的东西，取代了之前简单熟悉的事物。我们中的一些人会尝试一些新的词汇和表达方式。但大部分人不会这么做。我们是无意中这样的并不是有意的。不管我们做了什么，我知道没有人想要这样，并当此作为一个“生活方式的选择”。 没有人被描述的作为一个在纽约的单身，并且与很多泛泛之交的人作为性爱对象，不时地拥有一些性爱约会。 我觉得我的现状是一种过度状态，最终会有爱情降临。
The year i turned thirty a relationshiop ended. I was very sad but my sadness bored everyone, including me. Having been through such dejection before, i thought i might get out of it quickly. Iwent on internet dates but found it difficult to generate sexudal desire for strangers. Instead i would run into friends at a party, or in a subway station, men i had though about before. That fall and winter i had sex with three people, and kissed one or two more. The numbers seemed measured and reasonable to me. All of them were people i had known for some time.
当我三十岁的时候我的一段恋爱关系结束了。 我非常的悲痛但是我的悲伤令所有人烦恼包括我自己。以前经历过这样的沮丧，我觉得我会很快的脱离出来。我进行网上约会但是发现很难对陌生人产生性的欲望。相反的我会去朋友的聚会，或者在一个地铁站去寻找我之前思想的人。那个秋天和冬天我和三个人上过床，和四五个人亲吻过。这个数字对我来说很慎重并且有理由去解释。他们所有的人都是我之前某些时候认识的。
I felt happier in the presence of unmediated humans, but sometimes a nonboyfriend brought with him a dark echo, which lived in my phone. It was a longing with no hope of satisfaction, without a clear object. I stared at rippling ellipses on screens. I forensically analyzed social media photographs. I expressed levity with exclamation points, spelled-out laughs, and emotions, i artificially delayed my responses. There was a great posturing of busyness, of not having noticed your text until just now. It annoyed me that my phone could hold me hostage to its cliches. My goals were serenity and good humor. I went to all the christmas parties.
我喜欢看到直接出现的人，但是有的时候一个非男友的给他带来了黑暗的回应，就在我的手机里。这属于一种满足但是没有希望的，但没有一个清晰的目标人的时候。我看着屏幕上不断涌起的椭圆形，我故意人为的推迟我的回应。有着很好的理由和态度去解释，比如现在很忙没有看到你的信息一直到现在。这种事情让我很烦恼，就是我的手机快把我当成人质了，因为一直再说同样的话。我的目标是宁静得换宁和很好的幽默。我会去参加所有的圣诞节聚会。
The fiction that i was pleased with my circumstances lasted from fall into the new year. It was in march, the trees skeletal but thawing, when a man called to suggest that i get tested for a sexually transmitted infection. We’d had sex about a month before, a few days before valentine’s day. I had been at a bar near this house. I had called him and he met me there. We walked back through empty streets to his apartment. I hadn’t spent the night or spoken to him since.
这件事从iu天一直持续到了新年，那就是我对我的现状还是满意的。三月份，树都是瘦骨嶙峋但是融化了，当一个男人打电话建议我去做一个性传播疾病的测试。我们一个月之前上了床，就在万圣节的前几天。当时我在附近的一个酒吧。我给他打电话我们在那里见面。我们在空旷的大街上一起回到他的公寓。从那时起我再没有跟他过过夜或说过话。
He had noticed something a little off and had gotten tested, he was saying. The lab results weren’t back but the doctor suspected chlamydia. At the time we slept together he had been seeing another woman, who lived on the west coast. He had gone to visit her for valentine’s day, and now she was furious with him. She accused him of betrayal and he felt like a scumbag chastised for his moral transgression with a disease. He’d been reading joan didion’s essay “on self-respect.” i laughed -- it was her worst essay--but he was serious. I said the only thing i could say, which was that he was not a bad person, that we were not bad people. That night had been finite and uncomplicated. It did not merit so much attention. After we hung up i lay on the couch and looked at the white walls of my apartment. I had to move soon.
他注意到这件事的时候也去做了测试，他告诉我说。实验的结果并没有出来，但是医生估计是衣原体感染。 我们上床的时候，他已经和另一个女人接触过了，她住在西岸。他在万圣节的时候去见了他，但现在她对他非常的暴怒。 她控告他的背叛，觉得它就像一个人渣，谴责他没有道德因为这个疾病。他读过joan didion的文章“自我尊重”。 我笑了--这是她最烂的一个文章--但他却是认真的。我唯一能说的是，他并不是一个坏人，我们都不是坏人。那一晚是有限的也很简单。并不值得那么注意。我们结束以后，我躺在长沙发上看着我的公寓的白色的墙。我觉得我得赶紧离开了。
I thought the phone call would be all but then i received a recriminatory e-mail from a friend of the other woman. “i am surprised by you,” it said. “you knew he was going to see someone and didn’t let that bother you.” this was true . I had not been bothered. I had taken his “seeing someone” as reassurance of the limited nature of our meeting, not as a moral test. “i would advise that you examine what you did in some cold, adult daylight,” wrote my correspondent, who further advised me to “stop pantomiming thrills” and “starkly consider the real, human conseuences of real-life actions.”
我觉得电话联系就结束了，但是但是我却收到了一个反控诉的邮件，来自另一个女性朋友。“我对你很惊讶”她说“你知道他要去见别人并且没让你知道” 这是真的。我并没有被告知被打扰。我认为她说的“去见某人”是一个对我们见面的局限性的让人安心的保证，并不是一个道德测试。“我会建议你检查一下你在做什么，在寒冷的成人的白天”我回应道。她进一步建议我“停止滑稽的激动”并且“严酷的思考现实，现实的生活行为对人的影响”
The next day, sitting in the packed waiting room of a public health clinic in brooklyn, i watched a clinician lecture her captive, half-asleep audience on how to put on a condom. We waited for our numbers to be called. In this cold, adult daylight, i examined what i had done. A single person’s need for human contact should not be underestimated. Surrounded on all sides by my imperfect fellow new yorkers, i thought many were also probably here for having broken some rules about prudent behavior. At the very least, i figured, most people in the room knew how to use condoms.
第二天，坐在布鲁克林小诊所的包裹的等候室， 我看到一个医生训斥他的俘虏，半躺着的听众如何带安全套。我们等着被叫号。 在这个寒冷的承认的白天，我检查反思我所做的事情。一个单身的人对人际交往的需要不应该被低估。周围充满了我的不完美的同事纽约客，我觉得很多人在这里的原因大概是因为违反了一些谨慎行为的准则。至少，我确信这个房间里的大部分人都知道如何使用安全套。
The clinician responded with euanimity to the occasional jeers from the crowd. She respectfully said “no” when a young woman asked if a female condom could be used “in the butt.” after her lecture, while we continued to wait, public health videos played on a loop on monitors mounted on the wall. They dated from the 1990s, and dramatized people with lives as disorderly as mine, made worse by the outdated blue jeans they wore. The brows of these imperfect people furrowed as they accepted diagnoses, admitted to affairs, and made confessional phone calls on giant cordless phones. Men picked each other up in stage-set bars with one or two extras in fake conversation over glass tumblers while generic music played in the background to signify a party-like atmosphere, like porn that never gets to the sex. They later reflected on events in reality-television-style confessional interviews. From our chairs, all facing forward in the same direction, awating our swabbing and blood drawing, we witnessed the narrative consequences. (one of the men at the gay bar had a girlfriend at home... And gonorrhea. We watched him tell his girlfriend that he had sex with men and that he had gonorrhea.) the videos did not propose long-term committed relationships as a necessary condition of adulthood, just honesty. They did not recriminate. The new york city government had a technocratic view of sexuality.
临床医生非常平和的回应偶尔从人群中传出来的嘲笑。她充满尊敬的说：“不行” 当一个年轻的女性问到女用安全套是否可以用在“屁股上”。 课程结束后，我们仍然在等，公共健康宣传视频在监控器的一圈上播放，监控器安装在墙上。他们在1990年约会，戏剧化的人物生活就像我一样无序，他们穿的过时的蓝色夹克显得更糟糕。 这些不完美的人的眉毛皱起来就像是他们接受了诊断结果，承认他的风流韵事，并且通过一个巨大的无线电话（大哥大）打忏悔电话。在布景酒吧，男人与另外一两个人在假装交谈中透过玻璃杯互相调情，当通用的音乐在背景响起代表了一种聚会式的气氛，就想色情从来没有达到性的级别。他们过一会儿就会显示出在真实的收音机一样的忏悔的对话交流具体的事情。从我们的椅子方向，所有的脸都朝向同一个方向，等待着我们的擦拭和抽血，我们目击到了叙述的后果。（在一个同性恋酒吧的一个男人在家里有一个女朋友。。。有淋病。我们看到他告诉他的女朋友他和男人有了性行为，然后他得了淋病）这个视频并不打算展现长期亲密关系是必须的对于成人而言，仅仅叙述现实，没有讥讽责备。纽约政府对性而言有着技术治国的视野。
The federal government had different expectations. Following the phone call i had looked up chlamydia on google, which led me to the website for the centers for disease control and prevention. The government suggested that the best way to avoid chlamydia was “to abstain from vaginal, anal,and oral sex or to be in a long-term mutually nomogamous relationship with a partner who has been tested and is known to be uninfected.” it was a fantasy that defied interpretation, two cliffs without a bridge. The suggestion of abstinence came with a more realistic reminder to use condoms. I usually used condoms, but this time i had not used a condom, so now i used antibiotics. When the lab results came back days after my visit to the brooklyn clinic it turned out i did not have chlamydia. None of us had chlamydia.
联邦政府则由着不同的期望，随着那通电话，我在谷歌上查找了衣原体，其中有一个结果是通向疾病控制和预防中心的网站。政府建议说预防衣原体感染最好的方法是“戒除阴道性交、肛交和口交或者是与一个检查过没有被感染的人建立长期的一夫一妻关系。”这简直是空想并且难以理解。两个之间没有桥梁。 与其建议禁欲更现实的做法是使用安全套。 我经常使用安全套，但是这次没有，所以现在我用抗生素。我去布鲁克林的诊所回来几天后实验结果出来了，结果显示我没有衣原体感染，我们所有的人都没有感染。
Like the federal government, i wanted nothing more than “a long-term mutually monoganous relationship with a partner who has been tested and is known to be uninfected.” i had wanted it for a very long time, and it had not arrived. Who knew if it would one day happen? For now i was a person in the world , a person who had sexual relationships that i could not describe in language and that failed my moral ideals. Apprehensiveness set in: that this was my future.
就像是联邦政府一样，我想要的没有什么比“与被检查没有感染的人拥有长期的一夫一妻关系”更好的了。我想拥有这个已经很长时间了，但是一直都没有来。谁知道他那一天会到来呢？但是现在我是这个世界中的一个真实的存在，一个我不能用语言表达的拥有性关系的一个人，它打碎了我的完美的道德理想。我充满了忧虑感：这就是我的未来。
On a Monday in april 2012, i stood in line at JFk airport to board a plane to sanfrancisco. Before me stood a silver-headed west coast businessman. His skin had the exfoliated, burnished sheen of the extremely healthy; his glasses were of an advanced polymer; he had dark jeans. He wore the recycled ethylenevinyl acetate shoes that are said never to smell. His fleece coat was of an extraordinary thickness and quality, with a lissome external layer that would not pill. He seemed like the sort of man who would pronounce himself a minimalist and say that everything he bought was selected for its extraordinary craftsmanshiop and beautiful design. But the silver fox’s computer bag was a cheap thing with netting and buckles that said google on it. The person in front of him in line wore a google doodle T-shirt with bert and ernie where the Os would be . I front of him was a google backpack.
2012年四月的一个星期一， 我在JLK的机场排队登机去旧金山。我前面站了一个银发的西岸商务人士。他的皮肤死皮已经脱落，打磨的很有光泽看起来非常健康；他的眼镜是一种深加工的聚合物；穿了一个黑色的牛仔裤。他穿了一个可以回收利用的乙烯醋酸乙烯共聚物的鞋子，就像是说永远不要去闻它。他的羊毛外套非常的薄而且有品质，外层非常的柔软并且不会被抢劫。他想是这样一种男人，他会声明他自己是一个极简的抽象派艺术家，探索买的所有的东西都是因为极致的技艺和漂亮的设计。但是那个充满了网和扣的银狐电脑包是一个廉价的东西，上面印着google的标志。一起排队的在他前面的一个男人穿了一个google涂鸦的体恤以及bert and ernie（好兄弟）那应该是Os。在他的前面是一个google双肩包。
Until i left san francisco it never went away. It was embroidered on breast pockets, illustrated with themes of america’s cities, emblazoned on stainless-steel water bottles, on fleece jackets, on baseball caps,but not on the private buses that transported workers to their campus in mountain view, where they ate raw goji-berry discs fro their snack room and walked about swathed, priestlike, in google mantles, with google wimples and google mitres, seeking orientation on google maps, googling strangers and google-chatting with friends, as i did with mine, dozens of times a day, which made the recurrence of the logo feel like a monopolist taunt.
一直到我离开旧金山它都没有消失，她就是在胸口口袋的刺绣，一个美国城市的主题作为图解，装饰在一个不锈钢的水杯上，在羊毛夹克上，在棒球帽上，但是
My first day in the city i sat in a sunlit cafe in the mission, drank a cappuccino, and read a paper copy of the san francisco chronicle that lay anachronisticaly on the counter. The front page reported a gun massacre at an unaccredited a christian colege in the east bay and, below the fold, a federal crackdown on medical marijuana. I overheard someone talking about his lunch at the googleplex. “bvecause that was the subsequent topic of discussion: women who have spontaneous orgasms during yoga. The barista was saying how wonderful it was that the issue was receiving attention, coregasms being something a lot of women experienced and were frightened to talk about . Those days were over.
在这个城市的第一天的任务中我坐在一个阳光照耀的咖啡厅里，喝了一杯卡布基诺，读一个报纸名字叫旧金山年代编史，报纸落伍的放在收银台上。首页报道了一个枪击屠杀案，发生在一个没有授权的基督教徒学校在东岸，在报纸的折叠出，关于一个医用大麻的联邦取缔时间。我无意中听到有人在谈论他的中午饭在googleplex上。 “印第安麦子、越橘、肉饭”我写了下来。然后“性高潮”。因为这是随后的讨论的话题：女性在做瑜伽的时候有自发地性高潮。咖啡师在说这多棒啊，这个事情引起了注意，运动中的性高潮是很多女性经历过的但害怕去讨论的。这些日子结束了。
The people of san francisco were once famous for their refusal of deodorant and unnecessary shearing. Sometimes, walking down the street, past gay construction workers and vibrator stores, i was reminded that this was the place where harvey milk was elected(and assassinated), where the bathhouses had flourished(and closed). But most of the time i noticed onlythat the people of san francisco appeared to have been suffused with unguents and botanical salves, polished with salts, and scented with the aromatherapeutics sold in the shops that lined valencia street. The air smelled of beeswax, lavender, and verbena, when it didn’t smell like raw sewage, and the sidewalks in the mission glittered on sunny days, the food was exquisite. There was a place in hayes valley that made liquid-nitrogen ice cream to order. I watched my ice cream magically pressured into existence with a burst of vapor and a pneumatic hiss. This miracle, as the world around me continued apace: moms with google travel coffee mugs waiting patiently in line, talking about lactation consultants. Online, people had diverted the fear of sin away from coregasms and toward their battles against sugar and flour. “raw, organic honey, local ghee, and millet chia bread taming my gluten lust.” a friend from college announced on social media. “thank goodness for ancient grains.”
旧金山的人曾经一度因为拒绝使用除臭剂和不必要的修剪而闻名。有时候走在街上，走过的同性恋建筑工程工人和震动器商店， 我被提醒到这就是Harvey Milk 被选举的地方（以及被暗杀），公共浴室的盛行（以及关闭）。但更多的时候我注意到滞后在旧金山的人显得充满和弥漫了药膏和植物软膏，用盐来磨光，香薰理疗师使得充满香味，这些在valencia街道的商店里售卖。空气闻起来有蜂蜡味儿，薰衣草，和马鞭草，当这些闻起来不想未处理的污水，在阳光明媚的日子里闪光的mission的人行道上。食物很精致。有一个地方在Hayes Valley 有液氮冰激凌可以购买。我看着我的冰激凌奇迹般的被压成成品通过用蒸汽的爆发和气动的嘶嘶声。这个奇迹，围绕着我的世界快速的持续变化着：妈妈用谷歌travel咖啡马克杯，在队伍里耐心地等待着，讨论着哺乳动物顾问。在线上，人们已经让性快感转移掉了罪恶的恐惧，靠近他们的战争反抗着糖和面粉。 “未处理的，有机蜂蜜，本地的酥油，以及小米鼠尾草面包，改变着我的蛋白质欲望”一个大学朋友在社交网站上说：谢谢上帝赐予的古老的食物。
At night i was alone, and i would wlk down the street hearing sermons in spanish from the storefront churches and the electronic hum ofthe bart train below。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。In google bicycle jerseys.
晚上我一个人，我走在街上听见布道词用西班牙语，从上店门前的教堂里和底下BART火车电的嗡嗡声。这个城市是一个梦想的世界，充满了发光的屏幕和盲目崇拜的模仿，以及性用品商店和没有核的水果。我能听到在车上的精神失常的演讲，还有在街道的拐角处疑神疑鬼的人的演讲，他能把古代的阴谋和现代的科技联系起来。我开始自己去看阴谋。我走在mission的人行道上注意到他们闪烁的样子对于我的耀眼的粉末的脸红，在它的化妆粉底盒里， 我会想，超级的性欲会成为特别的我的脸红遮光的名字。 我的化妆狂欢在同时代的性规则：for him and her 看到
The idea of the free love had a long american tradition of communal experiments,wild-eyed prophets, and jailed heretics. .................even the end of war, and when i heard the phrase “free love” i would helplessly think of 1967, of young people listening to acid rock in this park.
自由爱的想法有着很长的美国传统，关于公共经验的，旁门左道的先知，被囚禁的异教份子。自由爱曾经一度被认为意味着有权利去拥有没有生育的性交；婚前拥有性行为；并且避免在一起的婚姻关系。这意味着对于女人和同性恋来说拥有性表达的自由，并且拥有跨越种族、性别和宗教的爱情自由。在二十世纪，后弗洛伊德的理想主义者认为自由爱会导致一个新的政治观，甚至是战争的终结，当我听到“自由爱”这个短句的时候，我便会无能为力的想到1967年，年轻人在这个公园里听着迷幻摇滚乐。
In science fiction , free love had been the future. The new millennium had promised space exploration, fail-safe...................: a blinking cursor in empty space.
在科学小说里，自由爱已经成为了未来。新千年已经承诺了进行太空开发，不安全的避孕，电子人的妓女，以及无节制的性活动。但是未来已经到来了，伴随着很多新的自由，以及自由爱作为一种理想已经过时了。我们自由的去拥有性高潮，但是嬉皮士已经太幼稚了；科学小说并不是真实的。婚外性活动的扩张带来了新的原因去让我们相信传统的控制：这些原因有：HIV，生育能力的时间限制，感情的脆弱。甚至我决定过一段自由的生活作为过渡期，我计划着我的一夫一妻的目标。我的对此的正直的感觉，经过早期世代的失败实验，就像巴洛克式的民族纪念碑被炸弹摧毁后的重建。我意识到了这个很熟悉但是并不是替代品，或者另一种自由的到来：像一个在空旷的空间中闪烁的光标。
The friendly blandness of google’s interface bestowed blessing on the words that passed through its sieve.................guide us toward the life we want to live.
友好爽快的谷歌界面给予了穿过筛子的文字以祝福。在谷歌，所有的文字被平等的创造，就像是每个人选择自己生活的方式是平等的。谷歌模糊了正常和不正常的区别。答案就是算法的收获保证了具有想通想法的每个人的存在感：没有人会因为异常需要而感觉到孤独，而且没有任何需求是异常的。只剩下性的需求是遵照适应环境的，就是说爱情会指引我们去过上我们希望的生活。
What if love failed us? Sexual freedom had now extended to people who never wanted to shake off the old institutions, except to the。。。。。。I was unhappy.
如果爱情让我们失望呢？性的自由已经扩张到一些从未想过动摇传统制度的人，反对那些与朋友表现出团结的人的扩张。我之前没有为自己寻找过这么多的选择，当我发现我自己全部性自由的时候，我是不开心的。
I decided to visit san francisco that spring because my desires and my 。。。。。。。。Throwing away the idea can make you feel better.
我决定在那个春天去旧金山，因为我的愿望和现实出现了严重的分离，无法和解的地步。我想去营造一个不同的未来，一个和我现在的自由相符的未来。并且在这一些年里，旧金山已经是一个可以看到明显未来的城市，至少作为一个美国城市，对人们来说是仍然可以相信自由恋爱的地方。他们追求不和与两性关系作为基础的家庭相连接。他们相信这样一个想象的社区，可以成功的打破一夫一妻的异性恋传统。他们给了他们的选择一个名字，并且构想他们的行为是一种社会运动。他们看到新的科技是一个机会去重塑社会，这里也包括对于性关系的观念。我明白旧金山关注于这种意向，标出了我的悲观和他们的乐观之间的不同。当你的生活不符合一个想法时，这种失败让你感觉很糟糕，那么丢掉这种想法观念会让你好受一些。
I could have found these communities in new york or almost any american city. 。。。。。。。。I would come across an exit ramp that would lead me back to all the comfortable expectations and recognizable names.
我可以在纽约或者任何一个美国城市找到这样的社区。我不是第一个用加州作为借口的人。我用西海岸和新闻工作作为一个托词，并且去开始考虑我的选择。最终，我觉得没有检验过可能性的想法让我充满了恐惧感。但是如果在我早期的三十年中，那个我一直想象的未来简单的来临，我会放弃我的探究。我会已经拥抱了妻子般的生活，一夫一妻的，养育孩子的并且在电子设备上发表艰苦奋斗般的胜利来庆祝自己。但我第一次开始尝试自由性爱的可能性，我依然一半的期待着在半路上之前的愿望能够实现，在不确定性的中间，我会穿过斜道出口，那会带我走回舒适的期待和可识别的名字。
I was so disingenuous. 。。。。。My friends.
我是多么的虚伪和不诚实。“但是你的个人旅行是什么？”自由的思考者会这么问，我会一会儿和我和我的朋友对此开个玩笑。