Emmis uncensored: “My bumble date said 3 words to me that made my balls explode”
Every week I'm treated to a story on my apple news app by Nadia Bokody.
She's a writer for Mama Mia and the stories revolve around her sexual adventures.
It is brave (fierce even) and I find it so inspiring I decided to pay homage and write a similar story from a man's perspective.
The original story can be found here:
https://www.mamamia.com.au/bumble-dating-nadia-bokody-uncensored/
I recommend reading it first. It's empowering stuff and the following story won't make much sense otherwise.
I first met this slut on Bumble. Her name was Sarah but like all the sluts before her, I assigned her a new name in my head; Country Girl, because she came from the country.
She was a 29 year old from Armidale who was now working in a law firm in Coogee. I learnt all this over Bumble before eventually asking her on a date.
We met at Uncle Ming's in the city and I was nursing a Corona at the bar when she walked in.
Now I don't mean to be dramatic but Country Girl was hot. I'm pretty sure I heard my fly unzip the second I saw her.
Damn! I knew I should have shaved my balls for this.
“Are you Sarah?” I asked.
“I am. And you must be James” she replied in a hot country drawl.
BE STILL MY THROBBING COCK.
We got along great and the night ended with me paying for everything and us making out. The next morning I sent her a message telling her how much fun I'd had and how we should do it again.
Our second date was sickeningly cute and we ended up going on six in total but that's not the important part of this story.
This is: we still hadn't had sex.
It had been almost 2 months and this girl still didn't put out.
Even a man with the will power of a Biggest Loser contestant doing a temptation challenge before weigh-in needs to catch some pussy before then! And it’s not that I didn’t want it. Conversely, I thirsted for CG, badly, but as time went on, she just seemed…dodgier. I was beginning to feel increasingly strung along, and wasn’t keen on sealing the fate of my imminent heart-shattering with a physical interlude likely to redirect the remaining blood from my brain to my balls. (Credit to original article for this paragraph as I copied and pasted it)
I was confused. Mainly because I'm highly insecure and derive all my confidence from how many woman I sleep with, despite it being a hollow place to draw self worth from.
Luckily I kept my rotation of sluts on speed dial in the meantime. Which was useful, because some dates ended with me so horny from all the weeks of built-up tension, I’d leave her place and go immediately to slut #6’s
Conveniently, slut #6 was also a super hot model who lived in Coogee. It was almost criminally easy to see both girls in the same night. And the sex with slut #6 was always explosively hot on account of how insanely toey I was by the end of yet another no-sex date with clueless Country Girl. (Credit again to the original article)
Anyway this went on for a few more weeks until I decided to ditch this clueless broad because she wasn't paying enough attention to me.
Plus she went to Byron and stopped all contact so I decided I was done with her.
Or was I?
Who knows? Who cares?
Tune in next week to find out.
Editors Note: This story was originally sent to Mama Mia but they rejected it with the following letter. Dear Mr Tilton, You are a pig and write nothing but filth. My Bokody is an empowered feminist and deserves to be on the news app of every man, woman and child. Keep your dirty stories to yourself!