The Fear of Temptation

eatpraysex (38)in #sex • 7 years ago

I had a couple of topics in mind for today, but then I came across a New York Times article about Americans and their apprehension at being alone with members of the opposite sex: http://tinyurl.com/waryofbeingwithsingles, and I decided my original topics will have to wait for now.

Political Digression (You Can Skip Over This)

I really appreciate the NY Times for its diverse coverage of issues, but it irritates me how its journalists seem to be shocked by attitudes and cultural norms that I see every day. I know I live in the Deep South, and the NY Times is based in New York, but maybe if they got out of their ivory tower once in a while, they would actually be able to foment social change by relating with people where they are, rather than where they should be.

Fear of Being Alone With the Opposite Sex

According to the article, this is very much a faith-based phenomenon. While the U.S. is a self-proclaimed "Judeo-Christian nation," as far as I know, Islam also has prohibitions on unrelated men and women socializing together in order to avoid temptation: http://www.islamswomen.com/qa/question.php?qid=1095.

I work with adolescents for a living and have occasionally mentioned to them that I regularly hang out with male friends. The great majority of them are absolutely shocked that my husband would "let" me do such things. (In their defense I am sometimes having sex with these friends, but I never imply that when I'm talking to these teenagers.) So I can verify that these survey findings have some validity to them.

The article mainly concerns itself with economic concerns such as gender wage parity and the infamous glass ceiling. However, I would like to approach this issue from two slightly different angles (though to be honest, the article touches on both of these briefly): temptation and sexual harassment.

Temptation

Now, I definitely agree that meeting one-on-one with a member of the opposite sex can be a sexual and/or emotional temptation. Moreover, if a couple has chosen to be sexually and emotionally monogamous, it is their prerogative to do what they can to avoid any temptation to violate that agreement. I fully respect those who have deliberately made this commitment to each other.

What I take issue with in this article is that it is the woman doing the tempting. Woman-as-temptress is a timeless trope, and it is getting a bit stale. Frankly, as a man I would be insulted by the insinuation that I am not able to control my sexual urges or view a woman as something besides a sex object. While a woman might choose to interpret the trope positively, the temptress is always portrayed in relation to a man rather than as someone exercising her sexual agency.

Sexual Harassment

On the other hand, sexual harassment is not just a tired literary standby--it's a reality for many women. (I understand that women can and do sexually harass men, but the power dynamic is much different and it occurs much less frequently.) In my mind, this results from an internalization of the woman-as-temptress trope and is exacerbated by an imbalance of power, whether that be physical, financial, or social. Those who engage in sexual harassment -- and its more sinister cousin sexual assault -- are buying into the notion that men are not true sexual agents, but are compelled by outside forces (i.e. women) to act this way.