All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Bed

Sex is a wonderfully educational experience. Like any other human interaction, you need certain skills and/or mindsets to be successful. On the other hand, its physical and emotional intimacy takes interpersonal communication to the extreme. As such, it is ripe for life lessons.

Below are some that I've gleaned over the years, from both personal experience and research.

Always plan ahead.

Whether it comes to birth control or sexual aids such as lube and toys, the last minute is the absolutely worse time to make decisions.

Context is important.

Once, during sex with someone I'd previously had a very satisfying romp with, I was called a slut, and then unexpectedly held down by the neck and literally pounded from behind. The whole encounter left me feeling degraded and cheap. However, I had a similar experience with another partner not long afterwards, and it turned out to be some of the hottest fucking I'd ever had! The difference between those two? The first session was an unpleasant surprise, the second was carefully planned and explained; the first was with a man I didn't know very well, the second was with someone I considered a friend. And this leads me to my next point.

Communication is key.

If someone isn't pleasuring you the way you like, and you don't say anything, your lackluster experience is on you, not them. Moreover, not only is it important, it can be really fucking sexy -- especially when it involves moaning, heavy breathing, and expletives...

Don't be a victim of your preconceptions.

If activities are gendered, it's only in our minds. A woman being penetrated is not necessarily passive. The act of being pegged does not "make" a man gay or effeminate. By adhering to beliefs about whether an act is masculine or feminine, you risk missing out on a really mind-blowing experience! As a corollary...

Perception is everything.

Personally, I don't believe that certain behaviors are submissive or dominant in and of themselves. It's often a matter of how we interpret them. A woman might consider giving a blowjob demeaning because a man is "using" her as a tool for his self-gratification; however, she might also feel empowered by that same action because she is in total control of the man's pleasure -- not to mention she has his most vulnerable body part(s) in her mouth!

 Sexual submission definitely exists, but the submissive partner is not "submitting" in the common understanding of the word (i.e. having an uneven power dynamic imposed on them).  The dominant wields power, but it is given to him/her, not seized.  

'Tis better to give than to receive.

The best lovers are the ones most concerned by how good they make their partner feel. And very often, seeing someone else's pleasure is more gratifying than any sex act that could be performed on you.

 Keep in mind that that pleasuring a partner might include such acts as verbal degradation, bondage, and inflicting pain -- it's specific to the people involved.

Practice makes perfect.

Sex, like any other activity, is a skill which can always be honed and refined. Research and experiment with new techniques, keep an open mind with your partner's desires, and be in tune with their body.

Did I forget anything? Leave a comment below to continue the conversation!