The BIG 5 oh!

I am looking at the prospect of ageing. Is it fortunate or unfortunate to have reached 50 years of living on this planet ? This is the question that has been occupying my time in moments today. It has been said that 50 is the new 40, one grows wiser with age, and being older earns respect. All of which are useful justifications to try and convince oneself that 50 is not old. and just accept it. There actually is no choice but to accept it, but it is not healthy to just push those emotions to one side and convince yourself that it doesn't really bother you, when really all you are doing is covering up how you are feeling, and judging being young as something that is not desirable either.

I heard my parents and my grandparents say it, but I honestly can say I don't feel 50, if there is such a thing? 50 brings with it it's challenges of sagging body parts and grey hair, but I really didn't see that I put so much emphasis on how I look, but I must do.

If I look at being 50 self honestly the following points come up:

• will I lose my looks?
• will I be considered old and washed up by others?
• I am closer to dying.

I need to write this out and open it up, because if I don't face and embrace the fact that I am aging, it will plague me until the day I die and I will miss life and not enjoy being alive as a 50 year old.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that all I am is youthful looks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that others will see me as old and washed up, and within this I will not have any value in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realise and understand that I cannot hold off aging no matter how hard I try

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at my face/body and draw my attention to certain points that look different to how they did when I was younger, and compare myself to others of my age.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fear around dying, and then within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am immune to death and within this I will be forever young.

I commit myself to embrace the opportunity of being middle aged and within this focus on my breath each and every day, as a moment of creation and accept that there is nothing that I can do to change the fact that I am 50, and to remind myself that I was 18,20,30 once, and each decade had it's highs and lows, and that was nothing to do with age. I see/realise and understand that the importance of living is not what I look like, or how others see me, but it is who I am within it, in how I see myself and within this have confidence in the fact that I have 50 years of knowledge and experience and that within this I have a certain edge in what I can show and share with others.

I commit myself to get busy living instead of putting my focus into dying. I see/realise and understand how there has never been a time in my life where it is so important to pay attention to each moment and to be the best that I can be.