People Pleasing

People often think people pleasing is good & humane, but is it? Let us take a brief look at what it is & does to us & those around us.

According to Psychology Today, people pleasing is when we push our needs aside to accommodate the needs of those around us. There is a tendency to give all of oneself to others. Individuals might go to great lengths to be liked by others around them. Medical News Today even states that individuals might often agree to do things that they don’t want to do.

Other behaviors that people pleasers might exhibit could be conforming to behaviors that are harmful, disregarding one’s own interests, telling others what they want to hear, refusing to advocate for oneself, lacking personal boundaries, excessively apologizing, lack expressing criticism, struggle with disagreeing with others, & excessive conflict-avoidance.

As Narcotics Anonymous says, when we act as people pleasers, we are lying about our feelings, our needs, & we are being manipulative. We are lying about our beliefs, we are trying to soothe others into compliance with ourselves, our desires, & our wishes. We are trying to control others. The dilemma is though, conflict is good for us, & it is good for others. Conflict is good for our growth. It is good for our learning. Why try to stop conflict, when, if used rightly, it can help us?

My challenge to you is look at conflict as good & healthy. Use it for your growth. Use it for your development. Allow it to help you today. Remember, self-care is the best care. Take care of yourself. People pleasing is not self-care.

Peace & love to all

~ KO