Need

What influences what we think we need?

While getting out of the shower the other day, I caught myself thinking "I need a haircut." This annoyed me because my hairdresser is spendy and I'm trying to watch expenses. So then I thought "well, I can get by if I just trim up my own bangs" (WTF does "get by" even mean?)...and it got me thinking about the concept of "need".

No, of course I don't literally NEED a haircut. I'm pretty sure I could "get by" never having another spendy haircut again. Then I started thinking about all the other things I've, along the way, believed that I "need". And, being a mother, I started thinking about the concept of "need" as it applies to my son, too. He'll tell me from time to time he wants this or that, but I don't think he takes the concept of "need" lightly either. I mean, we've all seen some fabulous shit on the internet and exclaimed "I NEED that!" But of course we don't actually believe that we ACTUALLY need that...it's just something we want. But I imagine there are some people out there who do ACTUALLY mean it, and I imagine those people to suffer terribly from an affliction of obsessionism. But is that a choice, too? Beyond Maslow's "Hierarchy of needs," how do we determine what we ACTUALLY need?

"Needs" and profiteering

We talk about addictions as though they are a "disease" but it occurs to me they can't be a "disease" because those who are afflicted with addiction CHOSE to inflict that disease upon themselves. Who DOES that? What terrible turn of events occur in one's life to lead them to CHOOSE something he has been led to believe is a disease? Isn't disease the result of a genetic mutation in the body? I believe that there's a possibility that prolonged choices - habits - CAN alter neural pathways in a person's brain. But that also means that they can be altered again with the introduction of new habits and choices. But it usually takes much more effort to undo learned behaviors than to establish them. There has to be a very strong motivation to engage in these efforts.

Big Pharma makes billions appeasing our cultural addiction to instant gratification by telling us our habits and choices are a "disease"...and then they offer to sell us the cure: "we got a pill for that." Admirable-looking people are shown engaging in admirable activities while a narrator insinuates that they had problem, but as soon as they asked their doctor for a prescription for a drug they saw on TV all was well. Rehabilitation" for this that or the other "affliction" is also a billion-dollar business.

So is the "beauty" industry.

We are bombarded with ads at every turn showing us how we're supposed to look and training others what to expect from us. The purpose of each of those ads being to sell us the solution to a problem we didn't even realize we had...until the ad told us we did. We are shamed for being who we are and guilted into being what others expect from us.

And then there's "safety." We are bombarded by imagery and stories of how unsafe the world is: robberies, murders, rapes, bombings, rogue cops, terrorists, natural disasters, etc. Fear sells WAY better than even sex. And the purpose of these stories is ALSO to sell us the solution to a problem we didn't even realize we had...until the imagery and stories told us we did. In fact, we are safer today than we've historically ever been.

The industries of Health (medical and pharmaceutical), Beauty (sex and social) and Safety (policing, military "defense") ALL utilize "Ordo ab Chao" - problem, reaction, solution - to exploit our fears in an effort to sell us shit we don't actually need, to guilt and shame us into doing what we are told by those with the loudest "voices" (read as: the biggest advertising budgets).

BILLIONS are made from industries created around conflicting "needs" - what WE think we need vs. what others SAY we need. And, of course, State wouldn't be State if it didn't get in on that action so it ALSO tells you what you need and sometimes even forces you or someone you love to take what THEY think you need: rehab, vaccinations, military "defense", child-protective services, etc. You know, "for your safety." We spend our ENTIRE lives being infantilized, being told by threat of force what we need for our own safety.

When do we get to fucking "adult"?

You know, make our OWN choices about what's healthy, safe, beautiful, useful?

I'm convinced most people don't actually WANT to "adult." Hell, half the time I don't want to, either. That shit's hard. But my maternal instincts tell me that my son is gonna need an example...'cause he sure as shit ain't gettin' it at public indoctrination ca...um...school. I'm 47, been outta school for 25 years and STILL tryin' to figure that shit out.

Part of the problem is that a fear of failure is also societally instilled into us. What, exactly, is wrong with failing at something? How can we learn what we are capable of or who we are if we never fail? I think that if we allow ourselves the opportunity, the latitude, the PERMISSION to try a thing - and fail - and get up and try again (and probably fail again..but, dammit, I got back up and I can do it again!), THIS is how we learn ourselves, our boundaries and true capabilities. THIS is how we can realize our full potential as humans. I'm sure that guy over there's full-potential is a lot shinier than mine, but THIS, this one's MINE. And I earned it because I GAVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO FAIL, and then I GOT BACK UP and tried again.

And really, I am the only fucking thing on this planet I have ANY hope of having ANY control over. Why would I want to hand that control over to someone or something else? Why the fuck would I ALLOW someone or something else control the only thing I really have - ME? Freedom ain't free but it sure as shit costs a LOT more than a buck-o-five. Freedom is not a "right" for something or someone else to grant us by virtue of where or to whom we are born. True freedom has to be earned no matter who you are or where you are, and its currency is courage. Courage to stand up and say "I don't need that." Courage to say "no."' Courage to try. Courage to fail. Courage to OWN YOUR OWN SHIT - your own decisions, their ramifications. Your fear of failure is worthless to YOU, but it's worth billions of dollars in hundreds of different industries. They tell you what you "need" so you don't have to fear any more.

But do you REALLY need it, whatever "it" is? And is what "they" tell you you need what you ACTUALLY WANT? Have you EVER given yourself PERMISSION to even consider what YOU want, as opposed to what others want from and for you?

Guilt and shame...

...are instruments of control and coercion. Freeing yourself from guilt and shame are the necessary first steps to learning yourself, accepting yourself and giving yourself permission to grow outside of the narrow norms of society. And when you no longer need what you are told you need, your energies can then be focused on achieving what YOU REALLY need in this life...that is no one's but your own.