Loving yourself : Self love is taking responsibility

It's hard to find someone who has never had problems or issues related to self-esteem, self-acceptance, or self-love. And some of us are even conscious enough to try to solve them.

The main difficulty is that we now have a huge amount of resources available on this topic, especially online, and, unfortunately, they are often filled with tips that do not work. People with low self-esteem read articles written by authors with the same problems and continue to think that something is wrong with them and it is their own fault that they cannot cope.

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On the contrary, selfish people are characterized by extremely low self-esteem and lack of love for themselves, which they try to compensate by receiving something from others and not giving anything in return.

Do not think that it is about small daily joys, favorite food and time for entertainment. There is a great phrase: "True self-love is not about treating yourself like a child, but about educating yourself." Good parents don't give their child a chocolate bar every time they cry. Good parents are supportive, taught to cope, and gently rewarded. Likewise, self-love is not about daily indulgences, but about pursuing your values ​​and personal long-term goals.

Yes, like many other positive thinking tools, they help, but they are not enough. A person does not suddenly become self-confident by writing down a list of their best qualities or posting notes around the house reminding them how cool they are. Affirmations are only 10% of success on the path to self-acceptance and love.

Now let's look at what self-esteem and self-love really are.

Various sources advise to look for the relationship of self-esteem with external factors, suggest that you “think about what has a negative effect on you” and suggest that your self-confidence may have suffered due to some difficult life situations, for example, painful relationships, dismissal, unsuccessful searches work, stress, illness, divorce and so on. But this is wrong.

Of course, bad things happen to everyone. But being a victim and competing over who has more reason to suffer is a losing strategy in advance. Confident people are distinguished by the fact that when faced with problems, they choose to take responsibility for their own lives and actions. And instead of feeling sorry for themselves, they solve them. So the only answer to the question of what has a negative impact on your self-esteem is yourself.

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The best thing you can do for yourself is to be present in your own life. Stop withdrawing, being silent, and withdrawing every time you feel uncomfortable, anxious, or insecure. Stop endlessly digesting past events or imagining the future, instead of being where you are now.

It seems to us that it is easier to disconnect from reality and get away from the problem, that it is safer this way, and, perhaps, an uncomfortable issue will be resolved somehow by itself. But every time we do this, we miss important moments in our lives. And later we “get our heads out of the sand” and are horrified at what this life has become. We blame ourselves - and it certainly doesn't add confidence.

There are many ways to train presence - working with your breath, your own body, emotions. You can start small and develop these skills. Be aware of what you do, what you feel, and most importantly, what you think. This is a surefire path to healthy self-esteem.

Self-confidence comes when we begin to understand what we really want. Because if we do not know ourselves and our desires, their place is taken by other people's beliefs and other people's desires, and in the end it turns out that we live “not our own life”. This does not mean that you need to concentrate only on your desires, neglecting people around, it is important to maintain balance. The main thing is to ask first of all “what do I think about it?”, And only then - “what do others think about it?”

What do you really want? Not at the moment, but globally? What are your values? What do you personally mean by a happy life?

This step cannot be missed, it is because of it the advice "just get started!" or “try different things to find out what you like” don't work. If you are not in touch with your real desires, you will not be able to feel happy and confident, but you will continue to do something because “others do it”.

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Self-esteem is closely related to decision making. And how you commit yourself. It's about the determination to ask for the things you really need. And act in such a way as to get them.

Appreciating yourself means being aware of what you are doing. Be not a submissive, compliant victim, but mindful, aware and active in your own life.

The difference between low self-esteem and healthy self-esteem is the difference between passivity and action. And it seems that you already know what to choose.

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