Secret-Writer: I Pee Sitting Down

It's true,

I made a big decision last month and I refuse to look in the rear view any longer, I'm moving forward. Life is passing me by at breakneck speed and I simply can't afford another wasted second wiping my urine off of the toilet seat, base and surrounding tile. So from now on I my ego suffers each trip to the bathroom. There are times when I drink a LOT of water, beer and or juice but mostly just beer and I have to go maybe once per hour for consecutive hours. My ego bloodied and bruised by noon on the worst days. Thank @Buddha I have the Lama on speed dial and even with shitty wi-fi connection way up in his himalayan bungalow, he always manages to answer my skype for guidance. "To accomplish what you truly wish to accomplish, you must destroy the ego" he'd say, "you are doing the right thing child"
Thanks Lama, looking sexy bud.

The issue is only compounded by my addiction to asparagus. I'll spare you the details,I should stop this here and now. I've already said too much as it is and I'm not painting a pretty picture with my confession. I thought when I started this article I was doing it to find some sort of peace but My god, the nightmares aren't stopping.

I'm living in hell! I thought shedding some light on my dark world, one urine soaked rag at a time would be healthy, my therapist says I'm completely out of touch with reality and I should try writing stuff like this down. So here I am. So far, aside from his holiness' wisdom I have found no absolution. I wonder how long before I break down and tell someone in my life about it. Tell them I'm not normal. I have the option and I CHOOSE to sit down when I pee. I'm dreading the day but I just can't imagine holding on to this secret forever, It might kill me.

I'm a man god damn it!

I have this wonderful gift roughly half the world's population would give anything for. I hold this kind of power and I want to throw it away because I am too lazy to clean up the splash zone. what's wrong with me? The first month has been torture but I'm hoping things will get a little easier. I have slowed my liquids intake to a crawl to minimize the pain i'm knowingly responsible for. I know I need to meditate. I know I without a doubt need to get off the asparagus and sharpen my aim which I work tirelessly on. To prove my commitment I have taken on 3 personal life coaches. Each with his or own philosophy and approach to dealing with my absurd confliction. It's not cheap, believe me but It's going good and I'm showing signs of improvement.

THANK YOU SECRET-WRITER
Now that the whole world knows my suffering I feel obligated to better myself and report back at a later date. Maybe I'll be standing again at that time, maybe not. The point is to keep fighting for what you believe in, and right now I believe my life would be fuller, happier even, if I didn't have to clean up piss eight times a day.
thank you secret-writer for giving me a voice. I feel much better

"To give anything less than your best and for a man to sit down too pee, is to sacrifice the gift." - Steve Prefontaine