Mum: Why my toys are not shining

My second baby is on her way
My first baby is only 3 months old. I am really busy and exhausted, each day is becoming more and more hectic. I am indeed not prepared for my second baby, it was unexpected. Now that she is here, let her come, inside me she is so nice, I can't hear her kick me, or moving, but she is here growing healthily. At times I ask myself, do I care about her, or do I bother that I am carrying life inside of me.

I know, one day my second baby will ask me "Mamma why my clothes is not bright and new, Mamma why my toys are not shining, Mamma why is my dull red instead of bright red."

I just think of passing over to her all the clothes and the toys of my first child to Ayla. Kirsh was here growing so quickly, I was full of love, happy, thinking of kirsch, holding him in my arms, breast feeding him, reading stories to him.

Do I know that I have a little girl who is coming ?
When will I realize it?
When will I prepare my maternity bag?

Everyday is a new adventure for kirsh, he is discovering the world, when he has noticed my belly growing into a big pumpkin, I can see so many questions in his eyes.

So I decided to tell him...
Its a baby inside.

He comes, and try to listen or interact with my belly.

Then after few days, he stays away and is unwilling to come in my arms, my belly has become too big, I can't even carry or hold my little star into my arms.

I miss him so much though he is so closed.

When will I have time for Ayla. When will I do some shopping for her. Oh, its okay, I'm so busy, I will just dress you in baby boy outfits.

Oh my God, the day she sees the world has arrived. Everything went on so swiftly, no great labor pain, it was so rapid, no cries, no pain, only love when I take her on my breast. I am filled with love, today is the day that she is born, a real angel, how could I miss the opportunity to listen to you when you and me were one?

I'll do my best to have some shining and new girly clothes for my angel, indeed I'm so overwhelmed with love when I hold both in my arms.

I know one day she'll ask me the questions, "mamma why is my toys not shining bright", I'll have one answer, my one and only daughter, I love you from the bottom of my heart my angel, this is the brightest thing Ayla ...