Seablue Journal: Some personal thoughts.

I took the time to call my Mom last night. We haven’t spoken in a number of months. She is getting on now, and I have to remind myself that she won’t be with me forever. My father has gone already. I sometimes forget that he passed away, but there are not going to be any more phones calls to Dad.

My mother had lots of interesting news. She has been letting her osteoporosis get away from her, and after she had a fall, she started to experience some pain in her back. It was some while later that she decided to get it checked out and her doctor revealed the shocking news that she had broken her back. She is now doing rehabilitative therapy to strengthen her back, taking medication to help with bone density and paying more attention to her diet. This is a very real reminder of her increasing frailty, so I will call her more often.

I still don’t hear much from my daughters. I call and leave messages on their phones, but they don’t call back. There is much I would share with them if they did. I don’t dwell on it though. I’m very much living my own life now. I had children at the age of 21. In certain ages of humankind, this would have been a late parenthood. In this modern age, however, it seems that having children that early is not the done thing. Most of my friends continued on in their bachelorhood and didn’t marry until they were in their thirties. There was plenty that I missed out on in those early years, as I dealt with the responsibility of parenthood. Reflecting on that time, I didn’t do such a good job of being a Dad. I find that most parents are flailing around in the dark though. Youth made it easier to bounce back from the many disasters and mishaps along the way.

I can’t say I ever take much time to reflect on the past. This is one of those rare moments. I’m not the person I was then. I’ve grown. I’ve matured. I’ve discovered quite a few things about myself. My mind is almost always in the present. What is done is done. What is to come is not always in my hands. What is important for me is to hang on to my present condition of mind. An equanimity of mood. A detachment from the immediate. A contemplative state.

The world is a reflection of my interior. The more peaceful and harmonious my interior, the greater my sense of peace concerning the exterior. I have many phrases that I use that reflect this.

“Everything is as it should be.”
“It is what it is.”
“I’m exactly where I need to be.”
“There is no struggle.”
“All that I need comes to me at the right time.”

It is a providential and mystical outlook, that gives me a sense of awe about life. Life rolls out the red carpet for me often when I don’t hang on to my own preconceptions. I feel blessed. I see the silver lining in all things. I have nothing to fear but fear itself. That seems to be a good spot to finish this little ramble. I wish you all the opportunity to live well. May you find the answers within.