Egoic Delusions: The Search for an "I" (Pt 2)

So, let’s discover some more ways we're all delusional, shall we? We’ve already got the ones in which humans believe they’re somehow not subject to the inescapability of the present and the inevitability of change. For those joining the series here; there is no future, there is only today, and you can't get what you want in the nonexistent future, partly because you'll never reach it, but more importantly because everything in the universe is in constant flux.

That's called entropy, and ignoring it leads to a world of hurt. Even so, we do ignore this fact, and go right along chasing tomorrow, as though if we just strive hard enough, and clutch desperately enough, we will eventually attain our salvation in the days to come(hence the delusion).

But what about who, or what, ‘we’ even are? Just what exactly do you mean when you say the word “I”?

Try this exercise.

Locate where in your body you think ‘you’ reside. Be exact. Take your finger (unless of course, you feel you exist within your finger, or that you exist outside of your body… in either case, we need to talk) and point to the precise location you feel to be your center of consciousness. Most people, consciously or otherwise, apprehend themselves to be a tiny, focused, point of awareness, an ego, locked up somewhere within the body. If you live in the West, chances are you pointed to somewhere near your forehead, however, in other cultures, it’s perfectly common for individuals to point to their chest, or even their solar plexus/gut as the place where their “I” resides.

Some even say this is how the Hindu idea of chakras emerged. The premise was that as a human spiritually progressed, the focus of their awareness or “being” traveled up specific nodal points on the body, in alignment with the spine.

We each start out in the red chakra, which is the lowest frequency, (as it is on the visible light spectrum). Red is concentrated in the loins, and has to do with survival, sex, and other consumptive drives. Then, as a person transcended or mastered those drives they advanced up to the solar plexus, the chest, the throat, and so on, each associated with a different stage of psycho-spiritual progression, the highest color being violet, whose chakra stands above and outside the body. While I won’t pursue chakras much further, I will note that one can see many similarities to Freudian theory, Maslow’s hierarchy, and even Erikson’s models of developmental psychology in these ideas, which is interesting to say the least.

Returning to the pointing exercise, I’ll ask, are you sure you pointed correctly? I ask not only because other people may locate themselves differently, but because I highly doubt you were able to find the precise position where the totality of your awareness resides.

Generally, when asked, people struggle to precisely define themselves, and as such, provide a vague area for their egos, (chest, forehead) then point arbitrarily to anywhere within that area. But why would you have to do this? If there’s only one spot where the totality of your awareness resides, wouldn’t it be rather obvious, and thus easy for you to identify? How much of ‘you’ then, can really be in your forehead, chest, or solar plexus?

Another interesting question you might ask is how much of your ‘self’ would you associate with the food you eat, the ground you stand on, or the air you breathe? Probably none. But scientifically, this is a perfectly feasible description. After all, these factors are far more essential to you than even your own heart and lungs, you can do without a lung, and can even have its function artificially replaced, but you can’t quite pull the same trick with the earth, (or air for that matter). And yet virtually no one associates these things with their sense of “self”.

In fact, whatever you call “me” contains no information about the functioning of your nervous system, the forces of gravity, the position of the planet within the galaxy, the ratio of carbon monoxide in the air, or the level of cyanide present in your food, even though these details are infinitely more vital to your existence than the things you do believe define you.

Instead, concepts like your age, gender, job title, ethnicity, sociopolitical affiliation, sexual orientation, marital status, social class, personality type, religious history, and preference for country music are all haphazardly fabricated together to form an almost laughably weak caricature of what constitutes your “I”.

The problem is none of these things are concrete. They’re categories, symbols, and mental representations with little or no bearing on your direct, lived experience, and more importantly, your physical survival. You can’t create a human being out of concepts, it just won’t fly. (or walk)

Furthermore, biologically, you existed for about three to four years before the slightest inklings of these ideas began to percolate inside your mind. And yet, as people, we often identify so heavily with these labels that we literally cannot tell the difference between our conceptual representations and ourselves.

“I am black.”
“I am rich.”
“I am poor.”

We’ve been so bamboozled into believing that these categories truly make up the core of who we are that we safeguard our social identities like our lives depend on it.

Measure your response the next time you feel your identity under threat, and you’ll be sure to see this phenomenon in action.

Say you’re heavily identified with your money and see your investment accounts start to tank. Maybe your new red Ferrari has just been hideously scratched. Perhaps your political opinions (or your opinions about anything) have been publicly ridiculed. How about if someone insults your racial, religious or ethnic background?

These aren’t pleasant experiences, to say the least. Your heart rate rises, cortisol levels spike, your blood boils over, and your body’s fight or flight systems engage in full force. But why? You’re not in any real danger. What does it matter if someone disagrees with you politically? You’ll survive, won’t you?

Tell that to your brain. Your brain uses the same circuitry to catalogue these experiences that your ancestors did when spotting a hungry jaguar in the mountain brush. Your body is perfectly convinced that you will literally die if you don’t immediately employ some egoic defense mechanism, be it a snarky retort, a cashing in of your investment accounts, or a sweaty fingered dial to the insurance company to file a claim.

Now we can see the next Delusion: your psyche confuses your conceptual identity with your biological existence.
This is a tribalistic way of defining oneself, associating identity with categories and social groups. And again, evolutionarily, it’s not hard to see exactly why this would emerge.

Our ancestors had to form collectives to combat the harsh, unforgiving forces of nature. Cooperation within tribes greatly increased the chances of success for each individual to find food, shelter and ultimately, a mate. The higher, or more essential one’s position within the tribe, the better their outlook on all three fronts. Conversely, if someone’s social status rocketed to the bottom, or worse yet, outside of the tribe, the consequences weren’t just social. Their life expectancy plummeted, and their chances of finding a mate slimmed to near zero.

Just like the Delusion of time, the Delusion of conceptual identity finds roots in evolution. But, if taken too far, it isn’t a productive or even accurate way of perceiving oneself. Let all the political warfare, often leading physical violence and death speak as evidence of the dangers of modern tribalism.

But this leaves a major problem unsolved. If social identity isn’t a sufficient definition of “I” just what could be?

More answers, (and even more questions) are soon to come.