"The Hunters And Gatherers Issue" - An Open Letter To My Future Ex Affair
Science never solves a problem without creating ten more. - George Bernard Shaw
These are great expectations, George.
I'm actually not sure if my issue can even be scientifically solved.
Or do you think that we might change now what evolution has created over millions of years?
@surfermarly working on her open letter 🎧
Dear gentlemen,
If you ever wanted to learn how to impress a lady, today's your lucky day.
During my investigative journey which took me across several countries over the past years, I've found out something really amazing.
Even though our generation is technologically developing at speed of light, when it comes to social affairs we're still moving ourselves in the Stone Age.
Hunters and gatherers that's what we've always been.
So why keep with only one treasure if we could have them all?
As long as your wife at home doesn't know that you're with me, everything's alright. Right?
It's the easy way.
What the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve over.
If she saw it, I guess her heart would break into thousand tiny pieces.
So let's pray that she won't ever come to know.
May I ask you someting: is it worth the trouble?
Tell a lie once and all your truths become questionable.
Why do you even complicate YOUR life and risk to ruin HER life?
Is it the thrill?
Is it even a medical issue? An excess of testosterone?
Should we be worried and understanding?
I think we don't.
What I believe is that monogamy is hard to accomplish.
Yes, I really do believe that.
We're per se not made for it. It doesn't correspond with nature.
Yet I believe that it's possible. Just think about the swans.
Did you know that swans are absolutely monogamous? If he conquers her heart, it's forever.
So dear future ex affair of mine, here's what I wanna let you know: if you're a hunter, then be. And if you wanna be a swan, then be.
But don't try to be both.
It's impossible and will only lead to trouble and pain.
If you're too weak to commit yourself to that one person, then don't promise her you will and be an amazing hunter.
Stay faithful or stay single.
You wanna be a real man? Then be.
There is nothing more sexy and attractive to a woman then a man who knows what he wants in life.
Thus, there is nothing more unsexy and unattractive than a man who can't decide (on the right girl).
Good luck boys!
Marly -
PS: Tim Minchin said once Be a teacher! If you don't know what to do with your life, then be an amazing teacher..
Original content. Quotes found on infidelityhealing.com, quotefancy.com and pinterest.com.
Da hab ich nun so überlegt... ich weiß, was Du meinst, aber ich seh es irgendwie anders. Ich seh es als super Thema, wenn wir beide schon zwei, drei Gläser Rotwein hatten?^^ Da reden wir mal persönlich drüber!
Das machen wir! :-)
DU hast Ansichten die ich den meisten Frauen gar nicht zutraue - ganz toller Post!
Sweet :-) Danke lieber Uwe. Direkt aus dem Leben in die Tastatur auf die Blockchain :-)
Sometimes I wonder if some humans have far less vasopressin than others. Could that explain why some stay monogamous and others do not? How interesting would it be if we could measure this?
I still think science can answer all kinds of important questions, even about love.
I fully agree. I also believe that Science always finds a logical answer and that's why I chose it as main tag, hoping somebody would jump on that train, haha. So you did. Thanks for that :-)
I loved the video, especially the "brain on Koke" part, haha! We all know that butterfly craziness pretty well I guess.
So it's about chemistry in the end?
You're right: it would be interesting to measure it... But then the hunters wouldn't find someone to marry ever again :)
Thanks for your valuable adding, Luke! I appreciated it much.
Chemistry? Yes. :) It's like when my kids are frustrated, they know to come get some Oxytocin from a 30 second hug.
This.
Haha, love it!
Oxytocin I know well, in fact every chemical mentioned in this video I'm well versed in except the one relating directly to this post...and I may be showing a level of ignorance I shouldn't, but I have never heard of vasopressin until just now. I am torn on whether to thank you cheerfully -since I'm a huge fan of learning new things, in fact my grandmother told me the secret to preventing senility was to learn something new everyday, she never went a day without her crossword puzzles and she was sharp as a tack right up to the day she died- or with a bit of melancholy, because I am the one who would still hear santa's sleigh bell, (polar express reference) who loves the idea of magic and mystery. A conundrum.
I can't speak for others, and while I can't deny that the chemistry described for romantic love doesn't sound exactly like it was when I met my husband at eighteen, twenty years later all I can say is I just simply adore him. He's my best friend and confidante, desirable to me in all ways from the way his brain works to everything else. We know one another inside and out, but it's never been stagnant or boring, we can still talk for hours, and while we'll certainly be nostalgic when our children go off on their own, we're also excited about the possibilities and new adventures that will provide. Can vasopressin really explain all of that? I doubt it, there are too many factors interwoven, private jokes wouldn't disappear, and neither would all of the memories, or the way we still challenge each other, and quest with questions together....
sorry, this is becoming a post of its own! :)
Well, removing vasopressin sure impacted the prairie voles... so... who knows. Either way, a successful marriage involves effort and is awesome. I'm 13 years in and love it all around. I'm glad yours works well for you. :)
It did, but I do think the ability to think and reason, have foresight and hindsight, all of the things humans have that animals, (as far as we know,) do not, plays a role outside of instinct and chemistry :) Loving it all around after many years is always awesome to hear! :)
Have you seen conversations with Koko or some of the amazing things elephants, dolphins, ravens, and more can do? We may not be the only ones with the ability to think and reason with foresight and hindsight. We might just do it a lot better than any other currently. There's a video I saw recently about the complex problems ravens could figure out that blew my mind.
Actually, yes, I do believe that animals are capable of a lot more than is generally recognized.
But I've given the subject of 'feelings' a great deal of thought. I grew up in a strict christian household-by strict I mean faith in church doctrine, Jesus as the only way to Heaven, any other path leads to eternal hell etc. My parents are actually very loving people, it just happens to be what they truly believe through and through, and I was told this from the time I could think. So let's just say that I've not come across a level of brainwashing as unbelievably difficult to overcome than this.
But when I did force myself to face the many discrepancies, when it became apparent that I wasn't capable of the blind faith expected of me, I went through a period of mourning initially and then a long period where I was numb. Like every single chemical that produces feelings got shut off. I was in my later twenties and my children were about four and seven. But even though I was scarily void emotion wise, I still wanted my family to be well on an intellectual level, I logically knew how important it was for my kids to feel loved. I also knew that it was occurring because I had lost my center and my foundation and therefore I needed to find out what those things were. I had to rebuild myself from the bottom up, a task so initially overwhelming that I'm certain it's the reason I shut down.
My husband helped by taking over a lot of the things I would normally do, like reading at bedtime etc. And he listened when I wanted to talk, was silent when I didn't. And, long story short, I made it through the 'dark age', my children the none the wiser. (They actually do know about it now, they're teenagers and we discuss everything ;)
My point here is that as much as animals are capable of, I don't think they're capable of knowing that they've become emotionally or psychologically damaged and in knowing this then able to mostly function as before until they heal. To "Act as if" To "fake it till you make it" . lol.
I could be wrong though. I am not one to put definite's on things, if there's anything I know for sure it's that there is a whole hell of a lot I don't know :)
That sounds so beautiful, @dreemit and I'm incredibly happy for you!
I don't think chemistry can explain everything. Probably it's a mix of all these elments put together. Whatever it is: keep it up!
Big hugs!!!
Good point however modern society / ladies will never accept a man being polygamous and open about it hence why many tend to lie in order to satisfy their urge for new , sweet and fresh thing!!!! men are polygamous in nature only descipline and society plus real/ extreme love will make a man to be monogamous . However some women (married or in relationship) are even worse . But still we should be able to control ourselves
however modern society / ladies will never accept a man being polygamous and open about it
That is a judgment and a little too general. I think the emphasis is on "being open (and honest) about it" which I think was also Marly's point.
When you're not open about it, you take her choice (voice) away. That's the worst thing you can do to "a modern woman" these days. (Not you personally of course ;))
And even a monogamous woman might have phases in her life where she's single and takes a break from monogamy - why not? As long as she can make a conscious choice about it.
The "modern woman" just doesn't like lies :)
Good point, however no human being like lies including the old school or ancient women (however society or traditon silenced them ) Human spirit and emotions should be respected (on both sides)
yes, true!
Thanks my dear. In addition to my last comment, feel free to join the conversation in my new post about future of steem...it will motivate you more about steem . More success to you.
Thanks for this one, I couldn't agree more! :)
Point for you, @connecteconomy!
I wonder if there was ever any woman who liked that...
True. But we can't know for sure that there wasn't... ;)
I actually could imagine social circumstances, or silent agreements where people prefer to be lied to (in order not to have to deal with something they don't want to deal with, or whatever). Interesting thing to ponder.
I think the "men are polygamous by nature" argument isn't a closed one, though I did read Sex at Dawn which does make some interesting points along those lines. The nature vs. nurture debate is a tricky one we're still trying to tease out. With many hundreds or even thousands of years, is it possible women could be socially conditioned to respond sexually to visual stimuli? It's not an easy question to answer. Until we know the specifics on a biological level, it's tricky to say, though when it comes to different sexes, the hormone chemicals involved do seem to be an obvious difference. Maybe we're way off topic now, I'm not sure. Hahah.
Good video, thanks for sharing.
blame it on excessive testosterone haha
your points are valid, however it depends on societal perception of good and wrong in that regard. Our forefathers were crowned heros if they can marry upto 10+ wives and take care of all (you know what I mean) -which showed wealth too (hundreds of years ago and I remember, do you?) however , it is no longer cool in our modern society which I find great because it is less stressful for gentle men like us!!!
Also interesting to consider how in some cultures where women routinely go topless, seeing female breasts is no big deal. While in others a nude ankle might drive someone crazy. So clearly there is a cultural component to it, and this video pretends there is none. Why would they do that unless they are going for simple answers to complex questions?
Also interesting how in many species it's the males who invest in peacock feather approaches with visual stimuli to get the females. Then there's the difference in investment of offspring to consider and so much more.
Another good anylsis especially with regard to animal kingdom where my dog , hyenas , Lion et al mark their territtory with Urine and even use it to lure the opposite sex
Moreover, after seeing @surfermarly pic in this post, many men will like what they see...including me , (even if I were to be a catholic priest ) however I will pray for self control....
This is nonsense.
Yes. It's already taking place.
In a way, but I've never heard of it working out in the long term. I'm sure there is an exception somewhere :)
I've got some friends in Germany who are happily living like that since a couple of years. It wouldn't be my concept, but I admire that they have chosen it :-)
I agree with you however not totally nonsense my freind. It depends on who you meet. Never say nonsense to a view point which can be backed by real life examples. .Pls join the conversation in my new post where I referenced you . Wish you and your team more success
Wir müssen uns treffen in Nurnberg
It's a personal choice. If you want to be a player though, don't lie to someone saying you're not one. ;-)
Yeah, it definitely is a choice - like always :) Plus: there is nothing wrong with having 10 affairs at the same time (when all of these 10 don't believe/hope they are the only ones).
I wonder if there's a correlation between those who want to be a player and those who are willing to lie in order to increase their chances of playing the most number of people. I suspect there is.
That said, if polyamory was more socially acceptable, I also wonder if that would change people's perceptions, biases, and opinions on monogamy/polyamory. If people were cool with it, there'd be no motivation to lie. Ultimately, it should come down to consent and what works best for our species, I guess.
Absolutely! I even believe that "open relationships" are a very healthy concept in the end. In this post I didn't want to judge at all, I hope that was clear :-) Everybody should find their own path, as long as they don't lie.
Now this is the type of articles I love to read! Happy to have come across you. :)
It's an interesting time we live in, where we can choose between:
1 Educating ourselves out of our primal instincts, recognising them for what they are, and distinguishing them from the principles and value that our reason wants us to pursue.
or
2 Recognise that we live in a time where we are free to "trigger" these desires that make us happy at will. Understanding that whether we like it or not, we carry this evolutionary baggage and may as well choose to use it for the pleasures it may provide during our limited lives.
I doubt there's any objective right or wrong here, and that different people place different weight on the importance of following the values and principles they believe in. For me, this has always been fairly easy though. I've used my reason to establish the principles and values I cherish and know that I obtain far higher aggregated well-being, and fewer feelings of doubt and regret, long term when I live by them, compared to any short term pleasures disobeying them might grant.
Thank you for the post. Found a new follower in me :)
You are absolutely right @fredrikaa, there is no right or wrong. Mostly, when we're talking about social bonds, relationships and interperonal "rules" it's complicated to find one path for all of us.
Yes. In the end it's a personal decision in favor of long term contentment. It's usually hard to achieve real pleasure in constantly breaking the rules we established by ourselves.
I was already following you and am happy we're connected mutually now :)
Thanks for your valuable adding! This comment could have easily been a post on its own.
Perhaps I'll expand a little bit on each point then and make a post on it sometime in the future. So thank you for the idea and encouragement ^^
Yes, it's nice to be connected. I usually miss out on who is following me unless they also comment on my posts. I try to spend more time and VP rewarding engagement and building relationships rather than all this "follow for follow" behaviour that results in no engagement.
Looking forward to your future posts:)
That's exactly the way I'm handling it, too :-)
As a Private Investigator in Virginia, I cannot agree more with your post.
Do what you say you're going to do, and then do it. That includes keeping your word. When you commit to someone, you have given your word.
If you have an open relationship agreed by everyone involved, that's fine. If you do not though, beware. You will get caught.
Infidelity, unfortunately, is many PI's "bread and butter." I'd rather not be catching cheaters too, but there's a TON of satisfaction in providing the truth to a person who deserves it.
I didn't ruin your life. YOU did.
P.S. Women cheat too, but I laughed at the "Does your wife know you're single?" graphic. haha
Oh wow, I've never met a private investigator in my life!
Your job must be very adventurous though...
I couldn't agree more. That's 100% my philosophy. However, it seems that many people have trouble in keeping their word. Somethings it's more comfortable to not care, to not being considerate of anything or anybody and to not respect.
Of course they do. Who if not you might know that :-)
Thanks for your valuable thoughts!
Very well done post, Marly. Marriage is a commitment and requires hard work that many aren't willing to do. Also, I've observed over the years that everything can be going along fine, seemingly, and something happens like a job change, an illness , etc. and the marriage or relationship is in trouble. Also, I believe one's core values play a huge role. When the trust is gone it is almost impossible to rebuild.
If someone cheats once, more than likely they will cheat again.
This.
I think it's aaaall about values here. If you don't bring them with you, it'll be hard to navigate that ship to the next harbour.
Of course it's hard work. Relationships mean that you grow together. Nothing worth comes easy :)
Thanks for your valuable comment, I appreciated it a lot!
Full 100% and resteemed :-)
Thank youuuuu :-))
Maybe my husband and I are just the exceptions, I don't know. I watched Luke's video, it was interesting, but it can't explain everything. (I wrote him a long comment you can read lol)
You are so beautiful, a kind spirit, full of joy, it's hard to imagine that there wouldn't be many men who would not want you all for themselves and forever :)
Thank you so much for your lovely words my dear @dreemit 😍😍😍
Mr. Right is still out there. I bet he's a surfer. Just giving him a hint. Haha!
Now I will jump over to your comment on Luke's video :)
This is so true. If you want to "conform" with society, make sure that you're ready and willing to do it. If you truly want to spend your life with one person, make sure that you find the RIGHT person!
Trial and error is how all good things come about.. so go out there and live. Trials are your dates and/or relationships. Errors are the Failed Trials. Eventually you'll learn more about yourself, and learn more about others, and learn exactly what you want (if you even still want to be in a relationship or not).
Now I could go down a whole other rabbit hole of men's instincts to procreate, but that would cause a whole different conversation about self control and nature vs nurture and survival of the fittest and countless more "evolutionary" learnings.
Thanks for the post :)
Sure! Life is learning, and we are the sum of our choices and decisions.
Would you touch the scientifical approach Luke mentioned above then? Well actually I would love to hear/read more about it. But maybe you should just write an article about it then...? :)
Thank YOU for commenting! I enjoyed it much.
Anytime :)
Maybe I'll think about how to write this. I feel like it would take me weeks to edit and review! haha
Haha, doesn't it feel always like that if you're going to write about something really important...? :)
Always! It becomes a daunting task. Then I think "ok, I'll split it into multiple posts" ... but that doesn't always help either haha