Tardigrade

TL;DR A measurement of stupid

Water bear, moss piglet, Tardboi

These are all common names for the majestic Tardigrade. But the little freaks aren't just objectively stupid looking, they're badass as SHIT

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW FOOL

Let's GET LEARNT

So these living foreskins are actually water dwelling micro-animals. The name Tardigrade come from the Italian word Tardigrada meaning "slow stepper". There's over 1,500 species of them and I have no fucking clue why.

But this squishy little prolapse is more than it appears. Tardigrade are some of the MOST RESILIENT ANIMALS. They're found everywhere from the Antarctic to god damn VOLCANOES. What's more impressive is that these Tards have been around for over 500 MILLION YEARS.

But the feats don't just stop there

• THEY'RE LITERALLY EVERYWHERE

• 20,000 feet on top the Himalayas?
  YES

• 13,000 feet under water?
  CHILDS PLAY

• Under multiple sheets of ice?

• THATS HIS FUCKING SUMMER HOME

• They can survive 6X the pressure at the bottom of the MARIANA TRECH. THATS 6,000 ATMOSPHERES OF PRESSURE

• They can withstand ONE HUNDRED times as much radiation as a HUMAN

• What about the cold?
  As low as -328 F (-200 C) WHICH IS NEAR ABSOLUTE ZERO

• What about heat?
  Up to 300 F (148 C) FOR MINUTES AT A TIME

• The Tards can survive in the vacuum of SPACE
  FOR. TEN. DAYS.

• Tardigrades can go without food OR water for 30 YEARS. They'll literally dry themselves up to less than 3% water and then REHYDRATE LIKE RAMEN NOODLES A DECADE LATER

• In fact, one group of dried Tards were taken from a museum sample of moss and revived. How old was the moss?

• BITCH IT WAS 100 YEARS OLD

What do they eat? Plants, bacteria, and in some cases of certain species, OTHER TARDBOIS

But guess what? They don't hurt us but WE HURT THEM.

Actually we EAT them. Water and fresh produce often contains them. Oh, you'll just cook the food to get rid of them?

HAVE YOU EVEN BEEN LISTENING? They can survive MASS EXTINCTION

What makes you think your weak ass stove even stands a CHANCE against this anus face GOD?

In conclusion, no matter how big and strong you are, you will never be Tard strong.

Hope you find this shit interesting as fuck. I know I do.

Hope you found this interesting!

Through blackest day,
And blackest night. 
I'll post some science,
'Cause this shit's tight.
Make your day?
Well bitch I might.
The time is nigh, 
Get Learnt tonight!