I can give you an explanation on the vegan bacteria.
As we know, we can find bacteria almost anywhere. Different kinds of bacteria can be found on in different conditions and places, even in exotic places like toilets and our skin.
I know bacteria and yeast are two different things. However even when creating a sourdough, I can use the wild yeast living in the flour OR I can use different kinds of fruit which can contain wild yeast on them. Typically I'm using organic, shredded apple to speed up the birth of the sourdough.
It's just a similar process with bacteria. If you want to pick up a vegan bacteria, just find a vegan and get some bacteria out of him. You can either swab the vegan OR you can shred them.
One somewhat popular method is to use gut bacteria of the vegan. Just put your rubber gloves on and start collecting some bacteria for the perfect vegan fermentation.
You got me, haha. I was totally expecting an actual explanation.
Making fun of vegans will always get a laugh from me. It's not that I envy their ability to, at the expense of their own material pleasure, make the clearly correct conclusion on what manners of human sustenance are morally defensible... nor that belittling them makes me feel better about my everyday, ongoing decision to participate in what essentially amounts to mass genocide of cute and furry things with feelings and families. It's just that I don't respect them. :)
My gift is not the ability to educate people, but instead the skill of making jokes of anything.
Don't forget the microbes in the air! And actually, there's bacteria in your sourdough too. It's probably vegan, unless there's butter in the dough. I suppose it might be possible to raise bacteria on a non-vegan diet and then use them to ferment cashews... but that's a stretch.
That would be the ultimate evil. Grow non-vegan bacteria and create "vegan" "cheese" with them to trick vegans to eating something secretly non-vegan.