Hi @birddroppings, when i first read part 1 of the story, i was not really catch the story line because it too many words and explaination. Then in part 2 , it started to get interesting and attracted my attention. It a bit of intense story and need to read it from part 1, or else will lost in part 2 😜 It is a good story, now i can‘t for part 3 on how you progress the story.
When I finished reading, my heart sank in my chest. I just stared dumbly at my phone, musing on those final few lines, trying to figure out who I was feeling sorry for.
Besides that, I love your command of dependent clauses and the way you use them to great effect at pulling your reader through the paces. Your technique isn't just a simple "show, don't tell" strategy; instead, you bring us into every detail, lingering on what you want readers to take in before gently directing our attention elsewhere. And you never overstay your welcome on any detail.
Here's a case in point:
Vinh stood puffing on his joint with one hand holding the waist of his checkered boxers, his blissful expression turned up toward the rusted goddesses in the center of the fountain, towering metal women with obliterated faces and pots in their hands.
From Vinh's face to hand to other hand to his waist (implicitly tracing his torso) back to his upturned eyes meeting the absent gaze of rusted out statues to the artifacts in the hands of these decayed artifacts.
The fetid water, the missing faces, the bared bodies, the isolation from society... Jesus, man, could you pack in any more symbolism? That's a request, actually. I eagerly await your next entry!
Thanks Michaias! That means a lot to me, and I love that you're getting a lot out of the story. Part 3 is gonna be a little ways off, but I'll put everything I've got into it and look forward to having you read it
Detailed description of characters and the surroundings, which gave me an opportunity to imagine everything like I would be watching movie. Sometimes it is interesting when people read and create their scenes in head, the more details you put into the story the more interesting and capturing will be a story. Like how you described that mad motorbike ride, how much and how different emotions, thoughts were running during this short time in the head. The fact when you realize that there is something that you can’t prevent and that will be the end that is the moment when we do not know what is going to happen to us if we are in such situation. Great writing.
This post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Have a great day :)
Hello @birddroppings, thank you for sharing this creative work! We just stopped by to say that you've been upvoted by the @creativecrypto magazine. The Creative Crypto is all about art on the blockchain and learning from creatives like you. Looking forward to crossing paths again soon. Steem on!
Hi @birddroppings, when i first read part 1 of the story, i was not really catch the story line because it too many words and explaination. Then in part 2 , it started to get interesting and attracted my attention. It a bit of intense story and need to read it from part 1, or else will lost in part 2 😜 It is a good story, now i can‘t for part 3 on how you progress the story.
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Thanks for reading Olivia! Part one and two are certainly very different, but I appreciate you for sticking with it!
I knew you always write good story, that‘s why i sticking to it .. furthermore i curious how you continue the story.
Posted using Partiko Android
HO-LY SHIT, THAT ENDING!
When I finished reading, my heart sank in my chest. I just stared dumbly at my phone, musing on those final few lines, trying to figure out who I was feeling sorry for.
Besides that, I love your command of dependent clauses and the way you use them to great effect at pulling your reader through the paces. Your technique isn't just a simple "show, don't tell" strategy; instead, you bring us into every detail, lingering on what you want readers to take in before gently directing our attention elsewhere. And you never overstay your welcome on any detail.
Here's a case in point:
From Vinh's face to hand to other hand to his waist (implicitly tracing his torso) back to his upturned eyes meeting the absent gaze of rusted out statues to the artifacts in the hands of these decayed artifacts.
The fetid water, the missing faces, the bared bodies, the isolation from society... Jesus, man, could you pack in any more symbolism? That's a request, actually. I eagerly await your next entry!
Thanks Michaias! That means a lot to me, and I love that you're getting a lot out of the story. Part 3 is gonna be a little ways off, but I'll put everything I've got into it and look forward to having you read it
Detailed description of characters and the surroundings, which gave me an opportunity to imagine everything like I would be watching movie. Sometimes it is interesting when people read and create their scenes in head, the more details you put into the story the more interesting and capturing will be a story. Like how you described that mad motorbike ride, how much and how different emotions, thoughts were running during this short time in the head. The fact when you realize that there is something that you can’t prevent and that will be the end that is the moment when we do not know what is going to happen to us if we are in such situation. Great writing.
Great story! Here is a cool writing contest, I would love to see you participate :D
https://steemit.com/writingprompt/@themarkymark/writing-prompt-week-1-theme-announced-current-prize-pool-64-5-steem
Hi birddroppings,
Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.
Thank you to whoever nominated me!
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Hello @birddroppings, thank you for sharing this creative work! We just stopped by to say that you've been upvoted by the @creativecrypto magazine. The Creative Crypto is all about art on the blockchain and learning from creatives like you. Looking forward to crossing paths again soon. Steem on!
Congratulations @birddroppings! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
Click here to view your Board of Honor
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOP