Birthday's Coming Upon Us
Soon it will be my son's birthday and 2 weeks after will be my daughters birthday. My son, Aaden will be 7.
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Yesterday, we were sitting at the table and he was trying to tell me what he wanted for his birthday. He HAD to show me. I want this, I want that and that....
I stopped him and asked him 'Why is it that I have to get you a gift for your birthday?'
He looked at me and I could tell that he was trying to find an answer to that. So then I asked him 'Why do we have to get you gifts for Christmas?'
'Because that is what we do' he said
I replied, 'But why do we HAVE to? What makes us have to?'
He said he didn't know.
I went on asking him if he knew what a birthday really was, he wasn't sure. So I told him.
'A birthday is a celebration of the day you were born.' I elaborated on that a little more in order for him to understand better.
'Do you know what is important, Aaden? Are gifts important?' I asked
'Yep, gifts are important' he said.
'But why?'
'Because I get to play with toys that I want and don't have' he replied
In turn I replied to his thought. 'Aaden, gifts are not important.' He looked confused and I could see that he was really taking in this conversation. When our eyes locked I told him, 'You are important Aaden. You are. Not the gifts. You.
We can play, have lots of fun and spend time together to celebrate.'
I let him have the time to absorb that and waited to see what he had to say about it.
About 5 minutes later, Emma started showing me what she wanted from the magazine's. She was listening in our conversation but it surpassed her. She is still young to understand all this. She started saying she wanted the Troll's Play-D'Oh when Aaden intervened.
'Emma, we don't need gifts. Gifts are not important'
I am so happy that he agrees to this, learning to not be so affected by consumerism and see what is truly important and what a birthday really is. I am a proud mother!
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Aaden last year when he turned 6.
he already has a car, wow
It's a child's quad. My parents bought it used for my kids as their birthday gifts 2 yrs ago. Their grandparents spoil them to the moon! Can't say they share the same thoughts as me on this one lol.
Yeah, spoiling can be tough. I would maybe let kids earn it. Get them involved in games and contest before getting cars, things, maybe even birthday presents and Christmas presents and more. Sometimes, kids can lose in games but we can still encourage them even when they are sad after losing. Not everybody should get trophies and medals.
I agree with you there, not everyone should get trophies, but get appraisal for great efforts. Spoiling is hard on everyone. Wish that could be something the grandparents could see. A never ending discussion.
Key is in relationships, patiently, and conversations, dialog, listening, talking to the kids, is a big help that can help more than like a trophy or like throwing money at kids or anything impersonal.
Yep, that's why I was so happy that my son understood that the gifts are not important, but that he is, all my kids are.
In a position where my parents and mother inlaw think it is so important to give them gifts, spoil them with treats, keep giving against to what I believe and stand for, it makes it harder to teach my kids the true meaning of things. For example, my mom bought a phone for when my daughter turned 4. What the heck is she going to do with a phone at that age? Now shes wanting to get my kids tablets and such... I do not agree with that and creates arguments. I think this may be many family's dilemmas.
Wow, a phone at 4, and my first cell phone was when I was about 21. Had some toys in the 90's, was born in 85, and tried to steal toys from other kids when I was maybe 2 said my mom and kids do this partly as they assume those toys are theirs as that is the only thing that matters, selfishly, as we feel as we are the center of the universe. Well, kids don't generally think enough at times, maybe even most of the time. So, kids are generally not thinking if the toys are theirs or not. They are simply acting off impulses, like animals, int he spur of the moment, and that can be fun, but also full of risks.
Not sure when or how I would give my own kids phones and gifts assuming I ever get married to start a family, have kids. But I would hope I would not say one thing and do a different thing.
That is a hard thing to do, say one thing and do different, as times change and situations change but we try our best to make it work. I would say on my behalf, for my kids, that I would only allow them to have a phone when they are responsible for it. A pay as you go type as the first one would be in case of emergency or I need to get a hold of them. Once that is respected and more responsibility is in play then they can upgrade it to something more IF they can pay for it. So this being said they would be of age to start working... small jobs even.
I am sometimes a strict parent, but we need to be, especially in this day and age.
Oh how i love your babies!!! He so gets it!! They all do! I am so grateful to be apart of the memories and celebrations!
Well done Momma! Talking about the good stuff. The things that truly matter!
We have to find the true lessons in life. There may be a time where I may not be able to get him something for his birthday. If I were to always buy him something, feed the need, for him to feel that I owe it to him to get him something, the day that I cannot will be chaos. Those things are not important. He is important, Emma is important, Frankie is important. You are and so is Avia. And Danny and me and everyone. To show importance to someone on their birthday is the best thing there is. I am happy that I have you, I love that you are my child, thank you for choosing me as your mother, thank you for being there etc. See how they react when you say that compared to when you give them a gift. Which one will last longer in their hearts? xx
Shout it from the mountain top, sister!!! I support you!!! I am with you!
I so agree! Commercialism. Consumerism.
Only feeds the corporations!
now to get the parents to stop feeling like they have to as well...
Yep! Lol
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