So You Want To Own A Restaurant - Blog Entry 4

Many of you have never asked me what it's been like to be married to someone who doesn't speak English fluently and for me to be unable to speak any of the 3 other languages she does speak well.

It can be difficult. In the beginning of our relationship, my wife really didn't speak much English at all. She was able to take orders at the Thai restaurant she worked at and she could make herself understood in her day to day life.
She was able to tell me she was lonely.

We started dating at a difficult time in my life and I was not looking for my next (and 3rd) "life partner" at that time. Truth be told, I wasn't looking for anyone, and in fact was just starting to realize that hooking up with as many women as possible might not be as agreeable to me as I had at one time thought it to be. The idea of a deep relationship didn't seem like a good idea at all, and so it made perfect sense (to me) that I would start dating someone I couldn't really talk to.

And it was in this way that she and I started our relationship. Our discussions were very basic, if they were discussions at all, and nuanced conversation was simply not part of the picture.

As weird (and potentially shallow) as this may sound, it was perfect in it's own way. We did all the things people who are dating each other do - we just didn't talk about it much, and we never talked about it deeply. Which is not to say we didn't communicate. People can be close without a common spoken language. It just takes patience and a willingness to improvise. When we were angry we showed anger. When we felt love, we showed it. Happiness... Sadness... they are emotions and our knowledge of each other was based on what we showed each other about our feelings rather than what we said about them.
As time has gone by, Noi has learned more and more English. For my part I have learned little to no Thai. English pronunciation is still difficult for her and grammar often takes a back seat to utility. I don't really notice it myself for the most part. She is just herself to me, but anyone who met her before and hasn't spent much time with her since tends to remark how much English has improved.

Tonight we were sitting and talking about the election and about Trump and Milania. We asked each other questions and offered answers. We talked about the kids and about my Grandmother who has been having such a hard time as she struggles to fight back against the one thing we all have in common and all have coming. We talked about the restaurant (of course) and the ever-present question about how long we can keep going without rest or tangible reward.

We talked about these things and it dawned on me that we have conversations now. It's something that has grown over time and my knowledge of my wife has grown with it. It's a risky proposition when you think about it. How awful might it be to finally be able to talk to her only to realize you don't like her very much? How lucky to find out you were right about her the whole time, even before you could put it into words she might appreciate?

Mrs. Wife - I enjoyed our conversation tonight, and I'm very happy to walk down this path with you. My life has been spent as if I were watching a movie unfold in front of me. Sometimes, now, it feels like I'm actually part of it. Thank you! Your husband loves you more than ever tonight.