The Meaning of Christmas

That's right, only 325 more days until Christmas 2018, and since we're at the verge of this year's big holiday shopping season I thought I'd take the time to explain the true meaning of Christmas.

During this time of the year, it's important not to get caught up in all the religious aspects of this joyous holiday, but to focus on the joys that commercialism and capitalism can bring all of us. Yes, it's true, Christmas has a dark side (as all good things do). Long ago, it was once about the celebration of the supposed birth of a magical man, whose followers delusioned themselves into a shroud of ignorance and blind faith, creating one of the world's first large cults. Dark times have ensued ever since then in many unwelcome forms; luckily, corporate America has taken the holiday back from the religious zealots bent on global domination and has given us a holiday worthy of a capital letter and a week off work.

There are many instances today of society on a whole lashing back at these christian cults. High school students who, unfortunately, still hold religion in a higher regard than happiness (ie money and possessions), have begun trying to force their horrendously misguided beliefs on others. Passing out candy canes with bible messages on them, at school, against their local policies. I'll tell you right now, if they don't get suspended, I will write to the school and personally request much harsher punishment. Behavior like this simply is not acceptable; church (ie, evil cults) and state are separate and should remain that way.

Now, there are many of you out there who are still caught up in all the church-related buzz of Christmas. Let me share with all of you the joys of modern commercialism. Why spend all day at the church, giving each other handmade sweaters and paperweights carved out of driftwood when you can give the gift that will last a lifetime: A brand new big screen TV. They're durable, bring joy to the entire family, and the new wave of lifetime warranties will ensure that you'll never be without your favorite holiday programming. Or how about a new computer, smartphone, maybe even a gaming console? The more expensive the better - after all, it means it has more features, it's newer, and probably comes with a kick ass satisfaction guarantee. I challenge you to show me ONE church service with a satisfaction guarantee, even one.

In summary, the capitalism and commercialism of Christmas is a refreshing shift to the mainstream society. Who needs more of the same religious bullshit from ignorant churchies who have no actual proof that their supposed 'savior' even existed? Have fun with your holiday - don't go to church and be bored, go to a Circuit City and be merry. Better get shopping - only a few hundred days left!