Welcome! I very much enjoyed reading your post. I would almost be interested to know what school you had gone to because it sounds eerily similar to my experience with a ministry/religious school as well.
I will say though, I think I've gone in somewhat of an opposite direction than you since that time. It certainly hasn't been easy but it's only secured my belief in God even more. I think God is actually looking to give credit to us and actually empower us to do things, not demand the credit and attention.
Sorry, not trying to get "preachy" but your post intrigued me with some similarities in my own life. It was very well written as well!