On Human Relationships in the Modern Era

Decades ago we know people married at a younger age and at higher rates.

Today we know divorce rates are higher and people are just not getting married in general. They're "getting involved" (having sex, moving in with each other, and willing to be in relationships) without dedicating themselves to a partner through thick and thin.

One reason for this I've been thinking lately, besides simple cultural change being constant, is how complex life has got. With technology bringing instant gratification to many aspects of life, parents having less control over children, people traveling farther for college, or even just going to the grocery store instead of 100 years ago 'staying on the farm'.

Another aspect is growth of government and it's demands on people. More laws, more paperwork, more appointments and procedures...More hoops to jump through to live (un)peacefully within the modern system!

I've learned a lot working with the homeless over the last few months trying to boil down in my head what the root of the problem is, and it's a bit of all of the above. Imagine how stressful it is not to have a place to sleep at night. Not knowing where your next meal will come from. No safe place to keep your things, even important documents from being stolen, lost, or damaged. This alone is a lot of stress. Now add on the threat of being arrested or ticketed for simply living. Places where there's no homeless shelters you are fending for yourself in the wild, but it's not the wild. It would be better if it was. Inside domesticated civilization's barriers, the police often treat you as if it's illegal to breathe, for simply existing and not having a house to hide in you are at risk of getting trapped into the legal system which further keeps you outside of normal society.

Onto the aspect of relationships, all this stress, and you don't have to be homeless to feel it, the more people, the more stress.

I'll explain

Two's a couple. We can last in couples okay, but like I was talking in the beginning of the article, it's become harder lately. Possibly harder because if we chose someone to be in a relationship with, that's like we're saying no, no, no as many times a day as you had as many other options for people to be in a relationship with. Technology has brought us an endless pool, plenty of fish to choose from. So we feel regret that we may have not picked the best mate for us. This regret adds stress.

Now what happens if we throw a 3rd person into this? Even more stress! Three's company. And sometimes three people together don't get along as well as just a couple. Sometimes one person feels like the "third wheel" in the group.

Surprisingly, the homeless I met deal with their fellow homeless a lot on a daily basis. They're nearly forced to rely on each other to survive, for basic sustenance since most have little or nothing at all. Some only have the clothes on their back and maybe a backpack of items until that is taken from them. Being around the same people all the time accentuates their most annoying traits. We can still relate this back to normal people who talk to dozens of potential friends in a day; perhaps online with facebook and text messaging. It is harder to relate to 20 people than just 5. Perhaps trying to relate to more people could be another stresser, right?

Increased anxiety makes sense with how modern interactions are

More supposed 'friends', more attempts to fit in, more regret, more deadlines to fill, more things to do (when we choose one thing we are saying no to everything else).

The relationship problems of today, like lower marriage rates are not a single cause of societal problems, its more of a circular effect that more stress causes more frantic decisions and judgement. Distrust can build for fellow man, disappointment, worry, despair, and the jumping from relationship to relationship just to fulfill a need to be desired, wanted or valued.

I'm hoping and thinking the trend will begin to reverse once we realize how to cope better with what modern technology and life provide. We should use these as conveniences not tools to get that social high of instant gratification. We shall learn how to relax in more situations and get our mind right before attempting any important and rational decisions in terms of relationships.