Why You Should Not Be Afraid to Break up!

idoko (34)in #relationship • 7 years ago (edited)

There is a widespread tendency to want to stay with someone despite not being happy in the relationship .

Examples of comments:

He does not know what he wants
He drags other girls
He makes no effort
He does not want to get involved
He does not love you any more
You're not happy .... but you stay with him.

The logic would be that one seeks to be happy and not unhappy in a relationship.

Yet, we make a short-term choice (stay with someone we are not happy with) rather than in the long run ( stop the relationship to rebuild and find a better story).

The question is: why do you stay with him?

By love ?

Contrary to what you think, you do not stay out of love, you stay out of fear of leaving!

Fear of breaking

The element that makes you stay in this story is fear.

You're afraid of breaking up.

You're afraid of being alone.

You are afraid of losing it forever.

You are afraid that he will leave with another.

You are afraid that you will no longer be loved.

You are afraid of the unknown.

In short, you're afraid.

Then you cling to your relationship as a koala on its branch.

But on the one hand, your fears are rarely justified and on the other hand, it is not the fear of breaking that must direct your life, it is your desire for happiness in a fulfilling relationship.

So analyze the excuses you give yourself to stay in a relationship that does not make you happy.

I'm afraid to break because I like it

You like it ?

So what ?

It's not because you love someone that you have to stay with him if he does not make you happy.

You're not Mother Theresa. You do not have to devote your life to someone without waiting for something in return.

It is not the Love that you must take into account, it is the fact that you are happy to be with him and that he is happy to be with you.

I can not leave him because he loves me

He told you he loved you? This is good but it is not enough.

Do not stop at words. Words and promises do not count.

It is the acts that count.

If he tells you that he loves you but treats you badly or spends his time at work and neglects you, what is the use of this love?

Do you prefer someone who says he loves you but does not prove it?

Or you prefer someone who does not tell you (read the article: I love you, it's so hard to say ) but who proves to you his everyday love by his attention, his listening and his gestures the article: the 5 languages of Love ).

When one is in a relationship where one is not happy, one is satisfied with words or memories: "at first, he told me that I was the woman of his life".

We cling to words that are not followed by real actions in everyday life. We even cling to words that are no longer relevant.

It's not because he told you he loved you 2 years ago that he still loves you.

For this reason, do not cling to words and ignore what has been said or done in the past.

Be attentive to the situation and acts of the present.

I prefer a half-relationship than no relationship at all

I have heard this phrase several times ... and I have always felt sadness and discontent.

While some people live beautiful love stories, others prefer to live in sentimental mediocrity.

Such a waste !

You deserve better than that.

Or stay the way you are and deserve your half-relationship in your half-life.

But let me tell you that you have more importance than you think.

I'm afraid he'll forget me and go with another

I often hear this phrase: "I do not want to break because I'm afraid that he will forget me or that he will leave with another".

If he quickly forgets you after the breakup, it is because he does not care to be with you and that your story does not belong to anything.

Do you want someone who does not care to be with you?

Do you want to stay with someone just to feel like you are in a relationship?

If, as soon as you break, he goes to see another girl, it means that he did not care about you and that your story was doomed to failure.

Breaking, it makes it possible to quickly distinguish between an interesting relationship and a relationship that has no future.

I can not live without him

I know very well what you feel when you are madly in love with someone.

I was and I had the right to my quota of painful ruptures.

Apart from the rare lucky ones who have not yet experienced a big break in love, we all went through there.

If it did not happen to us, it would be depressing: "Why am I the only one to whom it happens?"

But what is reassuring is that we are all in the same boat. And if we talk with friends who have been there, we know that it will take time but that we will recover.

A few days ago I replied to a comment where a woman said she was worried because she could not forget her ex when they had been broken for 8 months.

8 months seems long but if you were very attached to your guy / girlfriend, it will take much longer to forget it.

There is nothing abnormal about this.

So you can not say you can not live without him.

Besides if he leaves you and does not want to come back with you, you will do what? Doing the nun in a convent?

You know very well that it does not hold. Do not let your emotions invade you to the point of thinking things that are false.

You can live without him and you will find someone.

I'm afraid to leave him because I will not find anyone else

I can understand how desperate one can be after a break-up, but from that to thinking that one is not able to find someone else, one should not exaggerate.

You are really super ugly and unbearable to the point of not finding anyone? You found the only guy who can handle all your faults?

You will find another or take care of yourself and alleviate your defects.

What is certain is that if you think you will not find anyone, you will send negative waves around you and your prophecy will come true: you will end alone.

If you have found love in the past, you will find it in the future. There's no reason you can not find anyone else.

Do not be ridiculous to think that.

And if you are looking for tips to gain confidence, read the article how to have self-confidence .

Fear of breaking: conclusion

The purpose of this article is not to push you to break but to help you stop to find fake excuses that make you stay in your relationship.

You must not be afraid of breaking up.

If you are not happy in your relationship, you should not be afraid of breaking up.

And if you do not, find real reasons to stay.

Of course, you should only consider your cravings. You should also consider those of your partner and not see the situation that on your side.

The relationship is a balance. You must be demanding on some aspects and understanding on others.

There are more complex situations than others.

For example, living a relationship at a distance . If this is your case, and you and your guy do not want to move, you will have to sacrifice one of them to give your story a chance.

Another example: if he does not want a child and you want one, it will be necessary that one of you changes his opinion without which the frustration and the reproaches will dominate the relationship.

There will always be a potential imbalance in a story because of certain choices that must be made for the couple to the detriment of our comfort or our desires.

But whatever your situation, you have to make choices to make your love story happen and perpetuate so that you are two to be happy together.

Otherwise, it is better to break and not have false excuses to stay.

I hope this article will help you because I know that breaking is not an easy act.

But it is better to know how to make a difficult decision rather than to remain in a history without a future ...