RE: Real Talk #2 - The Pain Of Loving A Toxic Parent
This is something my wife and I both have had to deal with. I will say this ... as you get older and you put more distance on your childhood, you'll begin to see things differently. You'll likely see that your parents provided for you in ways that you weren't really aware of. They probably did the best they could.
That said, there's no excuse for toxicity. Some people are addicted to drama. Other people are overconfident of their abilities. Mix the two and you have a really destructive personality. As a Christian, my God has called me to forgive. Yeah, there's hurt when your parents don't live up to your expectations, but forgiveness gives you a brand new perspective. You can't change them, only God can do that. But if you live to honor your parents despite their flaws, you'll find that there is great satisfaction in that honor and that's often enough.
I agree with that. It's only when you no longer have your privileges, do you learn how to value them.
Sorry to say, but I'm gonna have to disagree with that part. You're looking at it from an optimist's point of view, or rather, just the financial aspect of parenting, I think.
Some parents really do need to learn how to be better parents by actually learning about it because like I said, parenting is a skill and it needs to be learned and practiced.
Can't argue with that. I've learned that forgiving, even though someone doesn't deserve it, is really important because it lets you finally end that grudge that you've been holding against that person.
Thanks for your comment. You made some great points :)
I don't disagree. It is a skill. I held a grudge against my parents for a long time. After a while, I learned they simply didn't know how to go about certain things. They didn't have the resources available to them, and it wasn't all their fault. A religious environment that made it difficult for them to understand their parental responsibilities before they jumped into them gave them little support. Looking back, today, they'd tell you they did some things wrong, but they love their children. Always have.
Lack of resources gets a lot of people, and they don't necessarily know they lack the resources. That's why forgiveness is so important.
That makes a lot of sense. I guess what the new parents of today can learn from this is that they should try to plan out things before they start having kids. It's much more safer that way when you know what resources you already have, and the ones you are missing.
People back in the days, especially where I live, didn't think it through, at all. They just went ahead and had children because of their parents' pressure of wanting grandkids. Parenting today, needs to be and should be a lot more systematic and creative because the same strategies that worked out before, don't workout anymore.
Totally. People should think about it first, and plan it. I agree with that. We live in a tough world. It's getting more crowded, the complexities keep mounting, and who knows what the economy will do from year to the next? Planning is very important. Parents should learn as much as they can about the potential challenges before they have children.