Great Quotes from Great People #61: Woody Allen


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In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!

Woody Allen


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I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.

Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.

It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

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