I never thought i'd wish to be pregnant

I enjoy doing things my way and getting what i want…in a good way lol. In my defense, i was the only child for like eleven years so that should explain why.

If you know me or have seen me in person then you know about the problem i have with my right leg. So my right leg is a few centimeters shorter than my left one. While walking, it’s kinda heavy so i tend to drag it a little. P.S: it doesn’t affect me whatsoever. I’m pretty sure i can run faster than an obese😏, i can jump, i can ride… a bicycle 😜 lol, i even tried to skate…yoh! i said tried 😂. Okay my point is i can do everything people do with legs. I even used to play soccer with the boys when i was in primary school.

Even though it’s not that serious I still used this problem to get away with stuff.

So back to the topic. Before the banks in Kenya made this ticket thingy we used to queue. So i would brief the guard about my little problem and of course lie about not being able to stand for a long time. Then he would take me straight to the next teller. So on this particular day i was having such a busy morning and it included visiting the ‘kanjo’ for this license people pay annually for business permit. After that I was supposed to meet a very important client to a close a deal and then go to school since i had class that afternoon. It was my first time to deal with this ‘kanjo’ guys and i had seen how they harass people who don’t renew their license so there’s no way we were signing up for all that trouble. “We” that’s my team and I.

Anyway, I arrived at the Kanjo’s and there was a looooooooong queue… but kama kawaida i was not bothered…i mean i got this! So i approached the guard and gave him my short fake story. Heeeeh!! Sema watu wa kanjo madharau!! He did not even have an ounce of sympathy to my story.

“Aaii madam huku hakuna shortcut, pia hawa watu wamepanga laini wakona mahali ya kwenda” That’s what he said to my face.

Wooow!! i was used to be treated nicely with tender, love and care by anyone i gave my story to…lol. I can not even put the amount of hatred i had for this particular human at that moment, in words! You know how to detest to extremity? That’s exactly how i felt. It felt being treated like a pariah. Then thank Heavens i spotted a lady guard…she looked a little goody two shoes…and i went to her with the same story. Trust me when i say looks could be deceiving… she didn’t do what i wanted!! I was right about her being goody two shoes…she didn’t bend the rules and let me cut the line… she gave me a seat instead and asked me to mark the last person, then sit and wait until he reaches to the front. Okay she was being considerate but that was not the type of consideration i was looking for!!! Aki and the way i had approached her acting so frantic so that she would do whatever i wanted. Well i had to play along with the lie so i took the seat anyway. I looked at that queue and all i could see were two hundred and fifty people ahead…not that i had counted them but because i needed to be out of there sooner rather than later.

Nilikuwa naskia ni kama nimekaliwa miguu. Alafu pia cause i knew that this was going to be a long arduous process and i was just in the first queue 🤦. So as i sat waiting patiently impatient i started wishing i was a pregnant woman with a stupendous belly, dramatically sweating as i wipe off the sweat from my nose. I envy how pregnant women receive special treatment and get away with things. I strike myself as the kind of woman who would grow a really massive nose if i was preggers. The tip of my swollen nose reflecting a lot of light and looking like shone brass..lol. Then maybe they would have let me cut the line. If they dared to make me seat i would have been so dramatic about it. Sit down, act restless, move about the seat, panting like the baby would pop out any minute. Or better yet i would have been so rude to the first guard i talked to then blame it on the pregnancy, or give him a fake story of how i need to get things done because i had an ultrasound later…to check my baby’s heartbeat. Or even make the situation weird for him…tell him why i couldn’t be kept standing for long because my womb yada yada yada …i would make anything up and be so graphic about it just to make him uncomfortable and so that he’d take me to the front.

If wishes were horses beggars would ride. I had to reschedule my meeting, and wait for that damn line to be over. On the bright side at least i had my impatient ass sitting down. I don’t think i would have managed standing for two hours because my patience was literally on life support!

Moral lesson: You don’t always get away with everything…sadly😔