PTSD Lasting in my Dreams

I have dreams but no third eye memories: So my dreams become my main source of reference to evaluate my life. With PTSD I am always wondering around aimlessly, like walking blind and searching for a path that will lead me to something better.

The levels of my dreams-

I of things in alphabetical order like every image or dream story would be to do with say the letter C like cars, carpet, carrots, carrying cats, cooking etc. The theme of the dream actions would be focused on a specific topic or idea. I kind of understood these dreams like the brain refiling information in a symbol like format but I’ve not taken the time to attempt to understand them as they seem common to me.

Then some dreams would be fear based highly emotional, sexual, frightening with me trying to either escape or achieve something, like escape from a bunch of logs that landed on me, fighting to get free from them, into fresh air, and add that that I would end up sleeping talking quietly at first, asking for permission to be freed and ending up yelling at the top of my lungs, demanding I be freed which then I would free myself from the situation in the dream. These types of dreams are always traumatic, and I wake myself out of the sleep feeling exhausted and traumatize. Also sometimes confused as to who I am and what is an appropriate behaviour of self-feelings.

Another dream state would be me being aware of what happened during the last couple of days. The dreams would combine several items or objects that did not make must sense but I recognized the context of the events squished together in different thought forms. These type of dreams are revealing to me specific symbols of each day representing a thought, feeling, emotion, or something that I touched as if my body was relaying information to me as a memory thought form.

Over the years I've had several repetitive pattern dreams and these are always confusing, frantically trying to achieve something, one example: going to school trying to find my locker, up and down the hallways, frantically looking maybe finding the locker, but most likely not. Going to the office to inquire how to open it, where it was, but with no success. And when I did find it, I could never remember the combination to the lock or I would open the locker and there is nothing in it. I always find reoccurring dreams to be disturbing because I awake with the sense that I can not achieve a goal or find my way around, its a helpless situation in where I can never find a way out of my problems or depression.

Dreams -Heavy deep states with no awareness of self, I would go downwards in the dream state towards unconscious sleep talking. I have answered the phone had normal conversations, never knowing who I was talking to, and I physically moved objects/things to unusual places in the house, like the oven, under a seat cushion, and in the fridge. This deep dream state I am completely unaware of my self, or my actions so the body is on overdrive, doing actions like breathing, and walking without thought. This type of dream I have no pictures, or thought process.

I have had dreams of falling and falling until I got so tired of falling I figured out if I placed a trampoline somewhere in the path when I got tired of falling. I would then bounce and continued this and overtime with a really good bounce I stared to . This up and down continued until I got tired of it as well. I would rise until I started to fall again. Over time I placed another trampoline above and one below so that I would vibrate between the two and that's when I started to astral travel. The back and forth action would shoot me out freeing me to travel. This is when I learnt of Astro travelling and Time travelling. For me, both of these dreams are sleepless states where one does not get a rested sleep and the brain just never shuts off. I am exhausted and pretty well no functioning when I wake from these types of dreams.

Astro dream state is where one does not take the physical form with them, You can see yourself lying in the bed. Travelling is quite different in this state, as I have mentioned before. I have forced into this state of being, because of a couple hospital experiences, one at six months old and another in my teen years. This is also the state where an awareness of people passing in beautiful light forms can occur. One can time travel in this state, but you are recognized by others as a spirit form or an energy form, and can not be involved but can place thoughts or ideas. This is a limitless sleep form meaning there are no restrictions to space and time. Where in time travelling sleep state, your physical body takes on a role in experiencing any sensations, emotions, and feelings as well. I think of this state along the lines of shamanistic healers where the body is more effected in the magnetic levels of energy.

I recently have thought that my dreams are related to the chakra’s of my body, and depending on which chakra or chakras are activated is how the body dreams will incur.

The seven chakras affect different parts of the soul being and depending if they are in an open or closed state, or if they are spinning at a fast or slow rate, it will affect my dream states as well. The Crown chakra/Spiritual body, Third Eye/Celestial body, Throat/Physical body, Heart/Astro body, Solar/Mental body, Sacral/sexual/Emotional body, and Base/Etheric body, Chakra’s.

Hypnosis at an early age changed my dreams – I changed my dream state from then on by using self-hypnotism without guidance or protection. I was taken to a hypnotist so that I could have my teeth worked on. My PTSD and fears were so intense that no one could come near me with a needle, or even get me into a room with a doctor/nurse. So my mother remembered that her mother used a hypnotist for dental work, and it worked out well, so gave it a try for me. I guess it worked on some level, as my dental work was completed, but I only remember that happening the one time.

I still live with all these types of dreams, some more intense than others, but I have realized it's the only way for me to evaluate, discern and process information on a daily basis’s. It’s how I understand and calculate what life throws at me. My PTSD lives with me every day, and it never goes away, and it rules how I walk through my life paths.