Why a person does not sometimes what he wants. Why does a person do what he does not want and feels unhappy?

So...
My first post ...
About inner reflection.

Why does man choose to suffer? It's his choice?

I live in a communal apartment, yuyu experience a lot of stress.
It's a bit of a shyness / irritation / fear / stiffness.
I do not accept that people around me are normal people! ...

Why do I do this *
I automatically fall into complaints as soon as this opportunity arises.

Today there was such a conversation in Facebook.
Girl:
There is something for you in this
something you get from these feelings
some kind of secondary benefit
possible impossibility to move on
or build a serious relationship
because on good with guilt and shame you can not build anything normal. And so you can swim in these sensations, flounder, and not sink into the depths. Because it hurts, you know it intuitively. They choke ...
I:
Yes, the fear of freedom or something like this, so I myself have the sensitivity at the expense of this developed a huge I can read directly the emotions of a person and if you observe the regime of the day of prayer, then almost a healer to deal with
perhaps I have it as drugs, a sense of pain as a drug
Girl:
why do you need it?
I:
well, this is not so easy to get out, here - a constant dope of pain, and there - something different, I for some reason come back there, too, some kind of pain
it is clear that I do not know consciously why
Girl:
Why do you need pain?
I:
I knowingly do not know, but if I feel it, I'm scared of my own shedding + I feel bad
Girl:
do you feel special, sensitive empath?
I:
Probably yes,
Girl:
so you feel your stories about sensitivity
I:
when I'm half-alive, then everything that happens is already at the peak
Girl:
you compensate for this
I:
to organize the same lifestyle "at the peak" - you need incredibly much, but here you can just suffer and walk to the brink of survival
Girl:
ok, I left to work. I leave you with this
remember that your life is your conscious choice. always. You choose what to feel and how to live

Selection

That's why I make such a choice?