How To Cope With Betrayal

Betrayal is a terrible experience. Someone you love, turns away from you and does something to hurt you which you never believed they would ever do. A parent to a child or vice versa, a brother to a sister, a husband to a wife, or a friend to a friend.

All of us have relationships with people who we rely on and trust. We put ourselves in their hands. When one of these turns against us we regard it as betrayal. We are hurt and angry and in shock.

But it is all a matter of perspective. I might perceive that I have been betrayed by a family member, but they probably don't share my point of view. They look at things differently and don't regard their actions as betrayal at all. Someone else might feel that I have betrayed them, and yet I might feel perfectly justified in acting as I did. So the feelings of betrayal are personal and individual.

So the important questions is how do I cope with the perceived betrayal? 

Hating the betrayer is not going to help me. If I harbour feelings of anger and hurt and resentment and hate, then I am not going to have any negative effect on my betrayer, but I will make myself sick emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. Why let your betrayer hurt you over and over again? The best thing to do is to forgive the betrayer. That way you don't carry a lot of negative emotions, and you can turn your back on what happened and still live a happy life.

It is not easy to forgive someone who has deeply hurt you. The key is to realise that Jesus Christ suffered and died to pay the penalty for all their sins including those against you. So the penalty for their betrayal has already been paid. If we know we have been forgiven by God, then He wants us to forgive those who have betrayed us. We may need to ask God for His help to forgive our betrayers. But we must let go of our hurt and resentment and hate. 

If we don't, then we will suffer from ill health, not the betrayer; we may have a heart attack, not the betrayer. Other relationships that are important to us may suffer because of our attitude, but not our relationship with the betrayer. That relationship is finished.